I don’t feel loved, just valued and respected

Weird, huh?

SO (32M) and I (29F) have been together for 1.5 years now. We connect well. We see a future together. We have great chemistry. He has a very practical, logical, stable and responsible head on his shoulders. We both have compatible values and principles in life and very supportive of each other’s ambitions.

But I think we have different love languages, where mine is words of affirmation, acts of service, and gift giving. His seems to be physical touch and quality time. We have some overlap on quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation. (All of his and 1 of mine).

When it comes to acts of service and gift giving, he is completely absent. He lacks, desperately lacks, a single romantic bone. To this day, he hasn’t done more than take me out to eat as an extra romantic gesture. (which we do frequently and he treats me.. but even with that, 90% of the time, it was me picking a restaurant, he just… pays) Besides being a sweetheart otherwise and going along with whatever plans I come up with, he hasn’t made me feel giddy and want to run to tell my girlfriends about some sweet gesture.

It would be nice if he randomly surprised me with something. Example, on Valentine’s Day (our first) I wasn’t able to meet him due to family flying in from out of town. I figured the night before we could have a nice dinner. He asked me to find a restaurant 3 hours before we were supposed to meet. He “got too busy at work” even though we planned for dinner a week before. I was upset. I refused to see him. We fought. He communicates well and helps me communicate so he apologized and we reached an understanding. On Vday, after work, I quickly made a pit stop, before heading to the airport, at his favorite bakery and went to surprise him at work. Just to drop off a pastry and let him know I felt bad having to attend to a family thing on our first vday.

Yet, nothing like this from him. He just supports everything I do, never initiates.

He has a great job, pays well, etc etc but still to date he hasn’t gifted me a single thing. BEFORE you go ballistic – I don’t mean anything grand or expensive or whatever. Just a thoughtful gift. Something he saw that made him think of me. Example, I knew he was stressed out at work when I randomly came across some chakra bracelet that was like 5 bucks. Neither of us really 100% believe in them per say, but I got it for him as a token of showing him I thought of him and every time he wears/sees the bracelet, to remind him that I will always support him when he has stressful days. (He lost it. Smh.. but whatever things get lost)

It would be nice if I had something to look at and be reminded of him and what made him give it to me. I wish he had a more romantic side. It’s making me feel this emptiness when it comes to feeling at least a healthy amount of infatuation and giddiness and just feeling loved in a “he spoils me with extra love” kind of way.

Thanks for reading through and meeting me at the end. I’d love to hear your feedback and how I can communicate this with him without pressuring him to be more romantic. I wouldn’t want him to do these things by asking for it. Seems ingenuine then.