I’m a (20f) and if there even is such a thing as acting “old fashioned on a dating app”, that would be me. I do swipe on many profiles that interest me, but I prefer to build a connection with one person at a time. I’ve tried dating several guys at the same time before, but it made me feel so slimy, exhausted, and guilty. I also find it to be a mental hassle to attempt to build connections and coordinate dates with multiple guys at the same time.
Everyone I matched with then dated told me they were using the app to find people to date and to hopefully form relationships. However, I found that the majority of the guys I met would either tell me that they were seeing other girls, or wanted to start seeing other girls alongside me.
I appreciated the honesty, but I always ended our interactions upon finding that out; doing that made them say I was ridiculous or acting irrationally. I’ve told them all the same reason; I don’t like to be made to feel like I’m in a competition. If I were to stay, I’d always be aware that one day they’ll choose only one girl to be exclusive with, pretty much negating any kind of experience spent with the guy or feelings that developed. I can’t handle that kind of anxiety. The connection you feel to someone you date no longer seems genuine, in my opinion, once you know that he sees and treats several other girls the same way. Hence I’d always end things upon finding that out.
I didn’t want to start a relationship that quickly; I just feel like a lot of people perhaps don’t see the merit in, or don’t consider, having an exclusive dating period. But I’m starting to wonder if the way I thought about dating is skewed. Two separate instances really made me wonder if I was in the wrong:
Guy 1 told me he was seeing 3 girls at the same time over the span of 6-8 months. I was shocked primarily because he said he wanted a relationship one day but to me it seemed like he was stringing them along. He told me the girls all knew about each other and were okay with the current dynamic.
Guy 2 and I were dating for a couple months until one day when he texts me saying he met a girl at a party and got her number. I expressed hearing that did make me want to end things with him (for the reasons stated in an earlier paragraph) but he countered saying he couldn’t understand why I felt that way because “I (he) only got her number and I was just texting her for a few days, it’s not like we (him and other girl) hung out or went on a date.”
Are these guys correct in saying that my preference to date exclusively is strange/wrong?
submitted by /u/kaylintendo
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