Bit of long one sorry;
Met him through a friend at work 18months ago and he started to pursue me. Added me on the socials, messaged me every day to ask how my day was. Was constantly blowing up my phone wanting to chat. He knew I had a long term, live in boyfriend and we had heaps in common so I thought we would just be friends – maybe naive but I have a lot of male friends.
Anyway, we both ended up developing feelings for each other, he introduced me to his friends and family and said to me “please don’t mess with me, I’m fragile and I can’t go through losing someone I care about again” and asked me to leave my boyfriend. So I ended things with my long term boyfriend bc I knew I wanted to be with this guy. I’ve now been separated and living alone for 9 months and… this guy still will not commit to a relationship with me. He barely replies to my messages anymore, sometimes for over 24hrs and I see him online – he won’t even bother to open them. He doesn’t organise to see me, and when he does see me it’s because I’ve organised it. But he does see me every weekend. He did say he has come off his anti depressants, is unhappy in his job and has bad anxiety. He drinks to excess and often falls asleep randomly. He doesn’t invite me to group outings with his friends anymore, even when everyone else is bringing a plus one. We barely have sex, and when we do he has never finished… maybe due to the alcohol consumption?? He says he finds me very attractive and it’s nothing to do with me physically. He also said he’s never met anyone like me and never wants me to change and that I make him so happy. When we are together he is very affectionate, always holds my hand or has his arm around me. He is constantly kissing me or hugging me.
I’ve bought all this up to him several times, saying we’ve been hanging out/dating for over 12 months now and it’s not going anywhere and that I couldn’t keep doing this. He said to me he has never loved anything in his life and probably never will and that he will never know what he wants in life. This obviously devastated me. I’ve never had feelings like this for someone and I don’t know what to do anymore or how long to keep waiting. I told him this and he started crying and telling me he has never had feelings like this either but will never know what he wants in life but knows he doesn’t want me out of it and I could be the best thing that’s ever happened to him. He also said we should give it a shot – but still… we’re in the exact same situation and nothing has changed. It’s absolutely breaking my heart, and has killed my self confidence. But losing him is terrifying. Am I wasting my time?
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