I gave up

Back in August 2019, I met a guy on tinder and we got to know each other. We had sex on the first date in October. Since that first date, I remember asking to hang out to grab some lunch or to watch a movie in the city. He would politely refuse. We still had sex bc it was amazing. I found someone I could please and feel pleased myself. When we fuck, it’s outta this world! Then Covid19 hit and I wanted to quarantine and chill but he didn’t because he’s in law enforcement. I understood. We don’t talk on the phone, just text since our schedules don’t align for a phone call tbh. And if we have a conversation, it’s about once a week or every other week just to catch up. Lately, I’ve noticed he’s slowly opening up to me when I ask serious, deep questions.

Well I gave up. I’ve thought about how I’m the one always initiating the conversation. He never reaches out. I’m the one sending cute sexy pics and he appreciates them, yet he never sends me sexy pics, not even selfies. I felt like I should’ve ended it a long time ago when I began to realize the pattern: he politely refused all of my dating invites like going out to eat, hanging out, bowling, hiking, etc. I’ve broken my own heart and it stings. I really like him but I’m tired of the one-sided feelings.

So what did I do tonight? I fucked someone different. I know the coronavirus is killing people and what I did was selfish. I don’t feel guilty at all and perhaps cop guy lost his chance with me or vice versa, I lost my chance with cop guy. I gave up and that’s ok.