I don't know how to explain this. I was completely convinced I was falling in love with someone and they were reciprocating it and I had a whole vision of her complimenting my life. I met her on Plenty of Fish and loved how we seemed to immediately click and understand each other. She had very quick response times and we exchanged phone numbers and started texting constantly. She had a lot of photos to exchange with me that were amazingly situational (at one point I doubted her identity early on because she had her profile listed in my area but was actually somewhere else, claiming she was on a business trip at the time she made the profile. I said if she's for real she should send me a photo of her giving me the middle finger, no one can fake that. Somehow she had a photo of the person lifting her index finger in a playful way).
After a week and a half of her being in my head every waking minute and having what seemed like a full fledged relationship with her saying good morning, having lots of chats throughout the day, saying good night, being involved in each others daily thought processes, being supportive, I was convinced. She had a Facebook with 400+ friends and we updated our status. I started giving her money because she claimed to be struggling for food in the Bronx. It was long distance but I have plans to move back east and she would be nearby enough for something to be worked out. I just can't fully explain, there are so many details and emotions that made her seemed so real. It went on for another week and a half like this believing someone was counting on me, I could count on them, and it was like an ecstacy. I started to believe I could marry this person. We were sexting frequently and she was sending photos of her in bed (claiming no nudity until we met, but still intimate photos).
Eventually it broke down. She was completely incapable of making a phone call or setting up a video chat and it became more obvious her photos were not current (never once had a mask) and she slipped up and sent me one of her photos twice as if it was in the moment. After pushing her she said shed borrow someone else's phone to call me. For some reason that phone had no video capability and she couldn't talk for more than 3 minutes… And she just sounded off the whole time, like not how I imagined the girl in the photos.
bottom line is I completely fell for it and then it collapsed. I'm so pissed off and disappointed and don't know what to do. I reinstalled some dating apps in defiance but it's just so fucking crazy. The sense that I've spent a month having no idea where I was or who I was talking to but thinking I finally had a relationship. I don't even want to talk to matches because I just feel disgusted with the whole thing, all of dating in general. How can I reconcile this kind of dating nightmare with the idea it'll eventually all work out and be worth it if I keep trying. I believed in a complete fantasy and maybe I'll never have any relationship that I would ever truly want to have. I'd prefer this failure was actually a real person and I just screwed it up or something. is there even a useful reference point for the emotional and relational experience I thought I was having How can I even take myself seriously after this. If I think someone is my baby girl I'm just fucking delusional. . I've never had a real girlfriend, they've always used me, or gone behind my back, disappeared out of nowhere, and this is just another case in point.
I don't have anything else. I guess I'm venting. Thanks for listening
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