So Ive (18F) been dating this guy (23M), lets call him P, for 7 months and we've seen each other pretty consistently every weekend since we met. Initially, we met on a one-night stand, but we went for a proper date a week later, and after that we usually just hung out, got drinks, watched movies, and of course slept together. We never did proper dates like going to dinner, but that's not my thing so I never minded.
I fell for him HARD, and a few weeks after we met we talked about our feelings for each other. The conclusion was that I wanted him to be my boyfriend, but he'd just got out of a relationship two days before we'd met, and "wasn't boyfriend material". Because of this, and the big age difference, we broke things off (his choice not mine). But! then he missed his bus home so stayed over, and we continued to see each other without speaking of this.
We had an incident about a month after we met where he got lost when we were out drinking together, and couldn't get back to me (there's a whole long story about this involving some coke dealers and a strip club). I was upset and ended up sleeping with someone else, but he called before I fell asleep and we went back to mine. We were both angry at the other but he stayed at mine and slept for two days. Again, we continued to see each other after this.
I became friends with benefits with the other guy, and P knew this. I could tell it bothered him a little, but he never asked me to stop, so I didn't. The two guys even met each other once, and we almost had a threesome.
Three months ago, he drunk texted me and broke up with me, telling me never to speak to him again, and that he hoped I was happy with the other guy. The next day we called and he apologised, saying he didn't remember writing that, and that he understood if I wanted to end things. I forgave him, but the next weekend it happened again. After that we called and I said I had lost respect for him and wanted to stop seeing him. We talked for a few hours and I changed my mind and suggested we keep sleeping with each other as friends with benefits. We agreed to meet the next day to get coffee and talk. Alas, he cancelled as he forgot he had other plans.
Rather than reschedule, he called me late that weekend asking if he and a friend could come up to mine. Again, we ended up going out, sleeping together, and not speaking of becoming fwbs again.
I felt the near-break-up had brought us closer together. The relationship felt less casual and emotionally we were closer. I even went back to his twice. He lives with his parents so this was quite a big deal for me. He said that with his ex, bringing her back felt like a big step, but with me it felt natural.
I stopped seeing the other guy at this point, as it felt wrong and I only wanted to sleep with P anyway.
I should mention that P is a coke addict. He only gets high on a Friday but it leaves him feeling terribly depressed and ashamed for a few days after. This happens every weekend. A big chunk of the times I saw him was when he was high, and we cuddled and slept together for his come down.
Coronavirus hit us two months ago, and I moved back to my parents for lockdown so we haven't seen each other since. However, we started calling each other every day. We spend hours on the phone every night, often going to sleep on the call. He's talked to my mother on the phone several times too, and they get along well. He told me he looks forwards to our calls, and that he'd be lost without them. A few times he told me he loved me, and I believed him. He really seemed to care about me, once telling me I "had his firm loyalty".
I was feeling really secure in our relationship, and despite the fact that we'd not talked about labels, I'd 100% consider him my boyfriend.
So here's where sh*t kicks the fan. Last night, he mentioned that he thought a girl he matched with on Tinder looked famous. It was incredibly casually mentioned, but it upset me. I knew he got Tinder a few months ago but he said he doesn't actually meet the girls, and he didn't even know why he had it, so it wasn't really a big deal to me. I thought it was just an ego boost, or a boredom thing, so I brought it up with the intention of asking him to delete it.
When confronted, he said he thought we were both seeing other people. He noted that I was sleeping with someone else a while ago too. He described us as "just friends", and seemed confused that I thought otherwise. The comment about me having his loyalty supposedly meant that he has my back, like friends.
Let me tell you, I was devastated. Its only been a few hours, but now I'm just really confused. How could he think we are just friends when we are clearly so much more than that? He cant think we are fwbs like I suggested 3 months ago, considering at the moment we are literally the opposite – no sex, just emotions.
I'm not sure if he's been sleeping with, or dating other girls in real life. We agreed to not talk for a week to give each other space to think, so ill ask him then.
The only explanation I can think of is that he just wants a very casual relationship to have me around for the convenience. Perhaps he cares about me, but now I feel like I'm just someone to suck him off when he's on a come-down, and now to stop him getting lonely in lockdown.
If you've managed to read all of this, thank you, and also: what the hell is going on with my relationship??? If anyone could give me advice for what to say to him next week that would be very much appreciated. I'm clearly not great at communication but id really like to know where we are both at, and if we continue to see each other what the boundaries are. I just don't know how to say this to him.
TL;DR
I've been consistently seeing a guy for 7 months but he's now saying we are just friends. We have sex, he tells me he loves me, and we've been talking everyday for the 2 months of lockdown.
Im really confused.
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