I just broke up with the first man who’s ever treated me well.

I'm female, 18. I know many of you are going to laugh and say I'm too young, but I'm older than my physical age mentally due to a lot of childhood trauma.

So when I was 14, i had my first relationship, a horrible nasty boy who blackmailed my naive arse for nudes and made me feel awful all the time. When we broke up, I was sexually assaulted by my friend who took advantage of me being heartbroken.

That was my first expirience.

I dated around for a while until I was 16. I met my first love, Matt. That ended really really badly, with a sexual assault at a party and him cheating on me with my best friend. That scarred me, and badly. After that, I dated a friend, which also ended very very badly.

A few random tinder hookups later and I meet Matt 2. Matt 2 is very noncommittal, but very devoted and a lovely guy. We date on and off for months, his longest ever relationship, but we are never official, which tended to wear me down and make me anxious and upset a lot.

But nevertheless, he treats me with lots of respect and is generally a nice guy. Towards the end of our relationship, around January or february, i sort of lost feelings and came to the realisation that I needed someone who I can see myself bringing home to my dad. And Matt2 was not that guy.

So I ended things in march, I believe. A very emotional phone call where I confessed that I loved him but that I knew he didnt love me back because of how noncommittal he was. I suggested we break up, and we go our separate ways.

He just messaged me, he was under the impression that it was a break. So I told him the truth. That I've moved on, I'm happy even without him and I need to be single for a while. I need someone who is long term and willing to commit to me and only me.

So we broke up. And I'm crying. I feel like a horrible person. Did I do the wrong thing? Am I a bad person?