I like an older girl.

It’s not the first time I’ve hooked up with an older girl.

This one is different though. I (21m) met her (31f) through work and we have slowly gotten to know each other. I’ve known her for about 6 months. I considered her an older sister at one point and me a younger brother to her. We became intense hiking buddies and we are inseparable. Might I mention, she has two kids that could be you her siblings to me. Oldest one is 13 years old.

There are many many details but basically, I was on a dry season after a break up with my ex girlfriend. We had gotten so TMI that what we said didn’t even matter at one point. I had mentioned before how it had been four months since I’ve had sex multiple times. One day after long boarding, we went to eat and got drunk. I mentioned how it had been four months, and she asked me if I wanted to have sex. I accepted and we did. It wasn’t long. Things stayed exactly the same. Now weirdness at all.

Fast forward, we go hiking again, we get drunk, we end up on a staircase and have soo much fun talking. I asked her if I could kiss her, she giggled but declined, but as I’m leaving, she asked if I wanted a peck, I said yes. We kissed, Then I went in for another one, and she returned it.

Nothing has really changed between us. We stay friends. Close close friends. But everytime we get drunk, I gain the courage and she returns the “feelings” I have for her. Like she’s learned to love who I am as I have with her.

This has snowballed so much since the beginning. At one point I remember I did not want anything with her. She didn’t either. I still remember that she told me that she saw me like a baby, and only a baby. But as time together has gone by, it seems that I have gained feelings slowly. She knows I have, hence getting drunk and us saying anything. She hasn’t said it herself but the fact that she’s gotten to the point where we had sex and she kissed me is really messing with my head and not know what type of relationship we have.

On those staircases, I told her I am really trying to control the way I feel but I couldn’t help myself but like her. And I told her that I know it’s just that I’m young and she has more control of her feelings. I have yet to learn. But she said she knew. She knew way before I knew. She said one day, when it was suppose to be us two and this other guy hiking, and they started before me because they were at the trail head and I was 30 minutes away and knew I’d catch up because I am a fast hiker, that when I reached the top and they were there, she said I looked at her in a different way. And I find it INSANE because I had no clue whatsoever I looked at her a certain way but I know exactly what she’s talking about now that she mentioned it. The best way to describe it is it was like as I reached the top and saw her, the moment I saw her was the spark that started everything else. It was different and it felt different. The crazy part is, that was weeks ago, and I only started to realize I liked her till just a week ago.

It feels like I’m in high school and I want to see her and be near her and hang out, but I’m not in high school. I’m an adult who is crushing on this 31 year old.

It all started when we started hiking. We had all that time to get to know each other for real outside of work. I’m trying to avoid these feelings but I constantly think of her when I’m not busy. She has kids so I understand that she has things to worry about, but I have all the time in the world. This sucks. It really sucks.

I don’t know what to take from the kisses and stuff. She’s such a true person. She’s shown me her true colors as I have to her. It’s like a real, two people, getting to know each other, with the sole purpose of dating and being together. But Idk what to think of any of this because I’m stuck in my head.

Might I mention, we hooked up and kissed literally 6 months after meeting for work. Since then, I have moved locations closer to work but that hasn’t stopped us from hiking or hanging out.

Like I said, there are so many details, but what should I take from all this? This is all after a harsh break up of mine which she knows 100% about. She saw me as a kid, but since the break up, I grew up a lot and I guess she sees me like a suitable man or some shit.

TLDR: I like an older girl, but I don’t know what to think from everything we have done and she has done with me. If you have more questions, ask, I’ll answer to paint a bigger picture.