I met up with my ex for closure.

Sorry for the long post.

TLDR: I regretted that we ended on a bad note (argument) and wanted to meet up to talk things through and get closure. I finally got to express what I was feeling and thinking, and he was able to do the same. In the end we had to let each other go, but at least we've ended on good terms.

We dated for 5 months, which is not that long, but it was long enough for me to develop feelings and truly start to care for him.

Things didn't work out because he just wasn't ready to commit. He's been through a lot of trauma in his past relationships and currently has a lot on his plate… so maybe I should have known we would never work out.

He's the first person I've connected really well with in a while. He's told me he truly cared for me and wanted me in his life, often saying that he sees me in his future. We were suppose to meet up to talk about what we were because he displayed hesitancy in the past and had previously asked me to wait, but I became frustrated and fed up with waiting around for him to decide if I was worth it enough to take a chance and actually try to commit to a relationship. I started an argument about it over text and we abruptly ended things out of anger.

I felt terrible that we argued- I shouldn't have lashed out. We never even got the chance to meet to have a proper conversation about it. So a week and a half after our argument/break up, I asked if we could meet up to talk. We met up today.

I was able to express all my thoughts and feelings to him, and he was able to do the same. I apologized to him about certain things and he apologized to me, too. We concluded that although we truly care for each other, he shouldn't have to budge and be pushed into something he's not ready for, and I shouldn't have to wait around. He told me I deserved better, and no matter how much he wanted me in his life, he knew he wouldn't be able to manage a relationship right now and so we decided to let each other go.

It really hurt. I could tell he was hurt, too. In the end, we held each other and kissed for a while, then we walked away.

If I learned anything from this, it's that I am glad we both knew we deserved better than to drag it out and potentially resent one another down the road. I learned what I want from a future partner; what I deserve. I learned how to treat another person with respect and have learned the major importance of proper communication. I learned to not live with regret and to follow your gut, but only after allowing yourself some time to think things over.

I'm going to really miss him. And I truly hope he eventually finds what he's looking for.