Hi, I’m a grey-ace (rarely like / attracted to people), 22 year old female. In my final year of Uni I met this guy, who blew me away almost immediately. We were great, amazing actually and I knew instantly I was gonna fall in love with this guy.
I did 7 months in. But by then the red flags turned into problems. I excused some of his red flags as weir quirks cause it seemed like he had a rough childhood and it messed wit him. Turned out he was a narcissist. Our break up was so messy. Mostly cause head flaking since 8/9 months in our relationship, and I just kinda held on cause I was so in love.
After our break it got really bad and we cut contact after it turned into a nuclear explosion. Him saying I was a side and I meant nothing. Now I look back and I see so much toxicity and abuse in the relationship. I changed who I was for him, to get approval, to be loved. But I was never loved. He never even said the words.
It’s been like 8 months since we broke up, but I still mourn it. I don’t even know why. I kinda just constantly wish he was by my side. I wish I could get a hug and talk, even though I know none of it would go my way.
Whenever I try to date again I just kinda feel disappointed, upset that I can’t find anyone, because I think of him, and because I’m grey asexual. Everyone just feels like they’re not the right one, and I find myself just wishing it was him, and not them. Even though the person he really is, is someone I deeply despise.
Last night I dreamt about being with him again. I don’t know what warranted the dream, but I dreamt we were in a happy relationship. It was good it was healthy and I was so happy to be there. When I awoke I wasn’t sad… but just disappointed.
Has anyone ever experienced missing an ex, still wanting the relationship back, despite knowing who they really are, and kinda hating the real them?
I don’t know why I miss someone who wasn’t even real to you, you know? I feel like I’m missing someone who didn’t even exist.
submitted by /u/myownfreemind
[link] [comments]
