Long story short I (21F) have been best friends with, let's call him, Bob (21M), for 5+ years. I truly care deeply for him, and he is my best friend.
However, I have recently been questioning my feelings towards him.
I have crushes on other people (both romantic and sexual, I am not asexual), but I can't seem to understand fully my feelings towards Bob.
Some days I worry I may have a crush on him, and other days the mere idea seems preposterous. It is genuinely confusing.
However, even when I think I may have a "crush," on him, it's really just romantic; the furthest my mind goes is to hugging, holding hands, cuddling, etc. (not kissing really). I have never had sexual feelings towards him.
I know I AM capable of having both these feelings (romantic and sexual) towards a person, so this is why I am so baffled.
I feel awful saying this, but whenever he has some type of romantic interest in someone else, it makes me embarrassingly jealous (I am not proud of it trust me). However, with strictly sexual partners I am unfazed. Of course I am always supportive and want whats best for him, so I have never ever brought my feelings of jealously to light, as they, I am aware, are unwarranted and unjustified. I want to be the best friend and support I am able to be for him and so of course I don't mind doing these things either for the best of our friendship.
This all still leaves me stuck though – why do I sometimes experience feelings that may be romantic when I have no sexual interest? Why do these feelings often change? I am seeking any outsider's honest perspective. I will most likely never bring these feelings to light as I would not ultimately ever choose to risk what we have, but these thoughts and feelings do confuse me and I really would appreciate thoughts
Thank you in advance.
TLDR; I sometimes experience romantic feelings for my longtime best friend, but never sexual feelings. I am not asexual. What is this? How do I cope? Opinions?
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