This is a bit of a rant because I notice a lot of my friends with this issue and I keep trying to pound it in their heads!
Stop giving chances to people unless they have a long history of positive behavior that warrants giving them a second chance. If you meet someone and right off the bat they do or say something you don’t find ideal don’t keep dating them hoping maybe they’re better than their first impressions.
If someone putting in effort and being communicative is important to you and one the first date they show up late and take forever to reach out to you afterwards DONT GO OUT WITH THEM AGAIN! People waste so much time investing in people who right off the bat show you their character. If they’re dropping the ball from the beginning it doesn’t get much better.
Hoping someone will be what you want is pointless, sure maybe they could be an amazing partner to someone but unfortunately that one one isn’t you. And trying to force it or putting your heart into something not fully reciprocated is only going to be that much more devastating in the long run. If you find yourself constantly anxious about your interactions with a potential partner then they are not the one! The right person makes you feel secure and wanted from the start. You won’t need to guess how into it they are because they will show you!
Figure out what is important to you! Do you want serious commitment? Someone who wants to travel the world and spoil you? Has a similar sense of values? Same hobbies? Similar libido? Then stop wasting time hoping that someone will turn into that person months into relationship. It only takes a few dates and honest questions to figure out if someone is in the same mindset as you and it’ll save you a lot of time/ heart break in the long run.
I know a lot of people worry that if they’re too selective they’ll never meet someone and that’s not the case at all. You might have fewer partners sure but the relationships you have will be higher quality because you didn’t settle. And in the end you will feel more confident and happy cause you’ll know you never compromised yourself or your needs for a mother person.
And this is coming from experience! When I (25F) first started dating I focused too much on looks and careers and then was confused when guys didn’t want to commit or had different expectations of a relationship than myself. Things they all showed me in the very first dates that I chose to ignore because I wanted them to like me so badly. Eventually I established what my expectations were: even if I thought a guy was really cute or funny I’d not go on that 3rd or 4th date if I could tell we weren’t on the same page.
I asked my current partner on our first date what he was looking for, I asked what loving someone means to him and how he prefers to communicate. He asked about how important physical intimacy was for me in long term relationships and what makes us feel valued. And now I’m with someone in the type of relationship we both always wanted. All because I didn’t waste time being worried I’d turn him off.
submitted by /u/jahneenz
[link] [comments]
