This covid business put the final nail in my coffin I think. I’m a fourth-year medical student in his 30s so my time to figure this out was already limited. Now with things as they are, being in a medical profession, I don’t see how it will happen. This point in my life was pretty much my last chance. After this I’ll be too old. I’ve gone too long without having a girlfriend I think and the shots will be up. I’ll just be working all the time, barred from going out, and everybody will be married and with kids already (or happily without). And they’ll be with guys that are much better than me I’m sure.
Early in college everyone was always telling me that a lot of the girls at parties and in my circles had a crush on me. Yet nothing ever happened. I thought it was because I was shy but now I don’t know. At a certain point the girls would eventually make a move, right? That may not always happen but in those circumstances you would think it would eventually.
I have also been told that I am good boyfriend material but I don’t really believe it anymore. I think that the people that told me all of this were just trying to make me feel good. That makes the most sense to me now. My experience with women tells me that they think me pretty far from good boyfriend material. At best I am something pathetic that can maybe make them feel good about themselves when they’re looking for it. Beyond that I’m pretty worthless. I’m the last thing that anyone would have a crush on. I don’t think people even want to be around me. I don’t think most people even know I exist. I think I should just leave everyone alone. I guess that won’t be a problem now.
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