TDLR: my ex asked for a year apart but I’m scared he’s just never going to talk to me again because of his cold front in the meantime
I (22F) had my first relationship over the last 1.5 years.
It’s a bit complicated but basically we dated twice: we started getting to know each other through dating for a few months but then I asked to just be friends because he lives near my hometown and during the college semesters we were 4 hours apart. But we were able to switch to being friends after some messiness, and then a year later he surprised me by visiting France while I was studying abroad and we got back together. Overall our relationship/friendship stretched across 1.5 years. The second time we dated it was more serious (since we were a lot closer by then) and he told me he wanted to marry me though we still had several years to go before we could consider engagement.
But then, he broke up with me kind of suddenly a few months after I returned from France. I was having a rough adjustment back to the US because my life felt really unsettled going into my final semester, and I leaned on him a lot which stressed him out. I was trying to decide about where to apply for grad school and he told me that he wouldn’t move far for me (it’s a long degree) so I was like how can I choose a school knowing you might leave me? This was pretty much the tipping point where he decided we needed space. When he broke up with me, he told me we were too different and he didn’t see me as the one anymore which shocked me because both things were news to me (he had talked about our future even a few days before).
He asked for A YEAR of no contact after which we could reconsider when we had made our future decisions. Ever since then I contacted him once to say happy birthday and he said thanks (I wasn’t totally sure if he meant NO contact so I was trying to be nice) but soon after he removed me from social media too. Now his posts seem way more moody/closed off (short, artsy captions instead of his usual long and warm ones), he’s never contacted me, and he’s shared a few song clips that…wouldn’t put me in a flattering light if he was applying them to our relationship. One of them was basically “our love has disappeared” and another was “our love was never real.” For both of us, this was our first real relationship.
When he first broke up with me, I was hurt that he left me at a time when I really needed his support, and I was sad that I lost the friendship as well as the relationship. But despite the abruptness of him ending things, I thought that we were still on good terms in a sense because we didn’t fight, he was considering revisiting our relationship down the line, and while we were breaking up he got teary and told me that he still loved me and I hadn’t failed him but he was trying to do the right thing. He’s been really kind and selfless to me, so as painful as it was, I was trying to still have a positive view of him.
But now, I’m starting to feel like the air of coldness toward me is intentional and that after reflecting further he has formed bitterness against me. Am I reading into this or does it sound like he is being targeted? This is stressing me out because I don’t want to falsely believe all year that he is planning to talk to me in 7 months (as he asked) when really he might have changed his mind and hate me now 🙁
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