I (25F) started seeing a guy (29M) a few months ago. I feel that he is absolutely gorgeous, funny, charismatic, and that we could probably just sit and talk for 3 days straight if things like sleep and life responsibilities didn't get in the way. He has told me in the past that he's terrible with words of affirmation, but at the same time has told me that my smile is uniquely beautiful and making me smile makes his day, that my insights during conversation have positively affected his perspective on himself and the world, and has lightheartedly commented that we're probably soulmates.
He came down with strep early into us seeing each other, and since he lives alone I bought him groceries and stayed with him the whole weekend at his request. He told his mother this because she was worried about him being alone, and now she loves me because I stepped up to the plate. He's also introduced me to his brother & his brother's wife, who also love me and said we "better be dating by the time the family camping trip comes around because [I'm] invited."
However, I feel that he is resistant to getting close to me despite all things pointing in the right direction. Before quarantine, we had sex a handful of times and it was frankly awkward. After quarantine hit and we stopped having sex all together, he texted me asking how I was doing. I replied I wasn't feeling well and was just watching TV, and then put my phone in the other room to charge. While I wasn't paying attention to my phone, he called me twice and texted me three times saying he was concerned that if I wasn't feeling well, I could be pregnant. There was 0% chance that I could be pregnant because I'm infertile (he knows this), and also I meant I wasn't feeling well emotionally. There are a million reasons why someone would be under the weather, especially right now, other than pregnancy. He later told me if I was pregnant, he'd want me to have an abortion. Obviously I wouldn't consider it ideal to raise a child with him at this point either, but given the fact that I may never have children at all and the first thing he jumps to is mitigating the consequences of his own actions strikes me as insensitive.
At another point, we were texting silly selfies back and forth and I made a joke that I was emotionally attached to a cartoon sticker I had included in my selfie. He misconstrued this to mean that I was emotionally attached to him, and demanded that I clarify what I meant. When I said I didn't mean him, he said that it takes him years to become emotionally attached to someone so he was concerned that I might be feeling too strongly toward him.
He has also said in the past that he'd rather not define us as dating, but as building a friendship before we date, which I am all for because I think focusing on the friendship aspect first builds a stronger romantic relationship. And, how can anyone have a normal dating relationship during the current crisis? Yet, I can't help but be confused by how I'm supposed to conduct myself.
The other night, we were talking and I called him out on the above referenced issues. He was patient, kind, and apologetic and said that he completely understands my point of view, and admitted that he has deliberately kept me at an arm's length. He also said that he does like me and does want me to stay, but he doesn't understand why I'd be "catching feelings" this early in. He also expressed disappointment with himself because his family is so into me, but he's not meeting their or my expectations and he doesn't understand why. He also said that he's concerned that his "negative vibes" will make it so that he never meets a life partner.
I just have this pit in my stomach like maybe we just can't work, but I really really want us to, so I guess I'm just looking for some perspective.
submitted by /u/StalwartPine
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