I (18F) have throughout my teenage years experienced a great fear of intimacy. This is mostly triggered when someone I'm close to (whether it's a friend or romantic interest) expresses affection towards me. A prime example is when someone tells me "You mean so much to me" or "I'm happy to have you as a friend".
On the outside I respond with appreciation but on the inside I cringe so much. Even friends that I value greatly, and are people that I would say "You matter so much to me" to, make me uncomfortable when they say these kinds of things or expresses affection towards me. The thought of someone saying "I love you" to me makes me squirm and tense up, yet I want it.
I think it stems from bad past experiences in my romantic relationships and friendships where someone grew way to attached to me too quickly. I have never told anyone about this as I don't want my friends or family to think that I don't care about them. I guess my inexperiences also play a part in this, as I have had no intimate experience with anyone and thus I'm scared of what it will be like.
Nevertheless, this phobia (I guess I would call it) seriously halts my dating-life. I truly want to find someone to have a relationship with. But the people I've met have all been too fast, and that makes me question their intentions. So I distance myself from them. I'm scared of falling for someone who is not what I first expected them to be, I want to trust them thoroughly first.
But I feel like I am expecting too much from other people, creating too high standards I guess. Am I? How can I tackle this fear of intimacy? I don't want my dating-life to be non-existent because of an insecurity. Has anyone else this problem, if so how do you handle it?
submitted by /u/local_latte
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