Well thanks to quarantine I've had wayyy too much time to think, and as a result ya'll get this word vomit. Don't blame anyone in the slightest if they just want to skip over this wall of text, I totally get that. I just need to get this off my chest and maybe bounce some ideas around.
(Also: Most of the stuff I'm talking about here happened before the pandemic, I'm following all the guidelines of social distancing/isolation/etc right now)
I'm a 27 year old guy and have never had a girlfriend. Never kissed anyone, or had sex, you get the idea. A few years ago I decided that wanted to improve my life in general. As a result I went through quite a few very serious changes; I started working out regularly and got in good shape, started eating more healthy, developed an array of hobbies that interested me and also put me in a position to meet other people. My life improved dramatically and I've loved every second of it.
But it hasn't seemed to have any impact on my dating life.
At what I'd consider the "peak" of all these changes my confidence was better than it ever had been before. I felt happy with my progress and like I was finally in a place where I could have a healthy relationship with another person; not just for the sake of having a girlfriend, but because I wanted to share these experiences with another awesome person. So I started actively trying to break into the dating scene.
And apparently all that work had been for nothing, because I got smacked down almost immediately.
I knew online dating was a mess but thought it was worth a shot anyway. I spent the time making a good profile, getting interesting pictures, all the usual advice. In the span of about four months I got two or three matches that petered out into nothing.
More conventional dating had even worse results. I fought against my social anxiety and tried just asking women out, usually those I knew from mutual friends or after building a bit of rapport (I was never one of those guys who could just ask a girl out after two minutes of chit-chat). It's often said that rejection gets easier to handle after it happens to you a few times, but that didn't seem to be the case for me. The confidence that I'd built up was just GONE after so many times of being rejected. It's gotten to the point that I have extreme anxiety just being around women, and the idea of trying to talk to them or ask them out is just too much for me to handle.
I guess I'm just frustrated because it feels like I have everything else sorted out in my life…except for a partner. I have a good job, great friends, fun hobbies. And I did all those things for myself, not because I thought they'd land me a girlfriend. I know people always say "it'll happen when you're least expecting it" or "sometimes you just have to wait", but to be honest I don't know how much longer I can stick this out. In reality, being perpetually single has only really started getting to me the past two years or so. I just can't fathom trying to suck it up for another ten or fifteen years if that's how long it's going to take to find someone.
One piece of advice I've always heard is that "you have to be happy single, or you won't be happy in a relationship". And I agree to a certain extent; I'm not looking for a relationship to fix all my issues. But what if the issue is that I've never had a relationship? I'm happy as a person who just happens to be single. My life is basically at a high point right now…except for being alone. There's so many aspects of my life I want to share with another person, to know that there's someone out there who wants me for who I am, to feel like I matter to another person. But this lack of success seems like it's overshadowing what progress I've made; the lows are even lower than before, and it's started affecting other areas of my life where before I felt confident and happy.
It feels like the end of the road for me when it comes to dating. At 27 it's expected that 99% of people have at least some form of experience with romance, and now I'm the outlier.
There has to be something wrong with me that I'm not seeing. Please, if anyone can help me find out what, I'd be very grateful.
submitted by /u/MadCapRabbit
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