Insecurity and doubt stemmed from the belief that you’re an option

Few weeks ago, I met a girl on Tinder and we managed to hit it off and had some pretty good chats now and then. We quite enjoy each other's company, we talked about vulnerable topics such as depression and loneliness, she was happy to open up on her past relationships and life struggles in general. She's also the only girl I met on dating apps that message me first.

Recently, she said that she's deleting her Tinder and told me to add her and continue on Discord, I thought she has decided that perhaps maybe I'm compatible with her, maybe it could open some new doors. We continued our chats there and one thing and another I asked her why she deleted Tinder, for which she replied and I paraphrase "I was actually looking to hook up but I changed my mind, so I filtered out the boring ones and asked the good ones to keep in touch with me on Discord."

So at this moment, I didn't really know how to respond, I'm not sure if I was disappointed or neutral, but I recognized that I immediately grew rather insecure and doubtful. A part of me enjoyed her companionship but recognize that perhaps we're not meant to be, while another part of me wants to pursue something with her. I get scenarios in my head where a couple of weeks or months from now where Covid 19 is no more, we would go our ways. Sometimes I think the pain of dating online is accepting the fact that you're an option, that is, people are investing their emotions and energy in multiple options at once. Does that make me lesser and low value? Perhaps it does when I recognized that likely she's interested in my companionship, and not myself.

Since then, I started to become less enthusiastic when I receive a message from her. I think it's because I didn't want to get attached, I didn't want to think of her the way that I previously had. I'm also considering letting her know that I'm no longer interested in keeping in touch, but I believe that is drastic and immature. But at the end of day, I wish I understand how to overcome this insecurity and doubt, because I don't know if it's right for me to feel that way upon learning that I'm an option, which is the case with probably every romantic encounter I will ever have.