In all my experience dating, and reading through this sub, is it not completely obvious to anyone that if you can't accept yourself you can't accept anyone else? All I hear about is these long laundry lists of good qualities that everyone wants in a person, but is it not obvious that in any person the opposite qualities will be present as well? Think about yourself for a minute. Are you selfish? Yeah, sure, some times, in some circumstances, with some people, according to some perspective. Are you also self-less? Yeah, sure, some times, in some circumstances, with some people, according to some perspective. It's the same for everything, so why would you think anyone else would be any different? All the time I hear "I just want to find someone with all these good things and none of the bad things", or "They seemed so great until I saw some negative quality, time to move on"…seriously? Are you new to people? Do you not see the good in yourself alongside the bad things? Do you ignore the bad, or if you see it, reject it? Do you reject yourself? How do you manage a relationship with yourself knowing full well that you are a mixed bag full of contradictions? And even more, have you not seen how over time you yourself have shifted and changed and been "all the different things"?
Really, if you can't accept, understand, and love yourself, how on earth do you expect to be able to do this for anyone else? Or even worse, how would you even recognize if someone did this for you? Is it not obvious that this is the first thing to figure out instead of running around in circles trying to find someone who can't possibly exist, to be in a relationship that can never work out?
submitted by /u/jigigigi123
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