I've been dating this girl since early February and her style of texting caught my attention from the very start. She would always respond to me initially within 3-4 days. Eventually, we worked up a nice cadence where we would text every 1-2 days and talk on the phone twice a week as we got to know each other more.
My last relationship was for 6.5 years and I ended that relationship in August 2019. Since then, I have taken the time to work on myself, date and talk to multiple women, and understand what I really want in a relationship.
When COVID and the stay-in policy started where we are at (early/mid March), we kept up this cadence. But when June approached, I noticed a change in communication style. I started calling her instead of texting as I got a better response from her. However, I noticed if I didn't do this, I wouldn't really here from her unless I did a follow-up text or call.
I'm pretty good at picking up signs, especially if there is a lack of communication. When we were together on dates or on the phone, we would have a great time. But during the weekdays, she was always busy, always tired, and just always emotionally exhausted to respond. These were the reasons anyway.
Last weekend, I was spontaneous and was in her area and invited her out for a walk, but she mentioned to me she was really tired and exhausted. I decided to cheer her up and send her a video of me playing guitar.
Today, I got a text back, thanking me for the video. But at the end, she apologized for her overall unresponsiveness and mentioning that she has felt off lately. She mentioned that even though we're at home most of the time due to COVID, she still feels like staying home.
At this point, I thought it was time to address this once and for all. I called her and confirmed with her how she was feeling. In the end, she was honest with me and said that she's not ready for a relationship. Due to the fact that emotions are more accentuated due to COVID and the fact that she misses someone to rely on (note: her last partner and her were together for 10 years and she feels lonely because she has no one to rely on), she feels the need to withdraw and not respond to anyone, especially through text.
We spoke for 1 hour about this, opened up about our feelings, and I even suggested to her to get professional help, especially if she felt that there was no one she could really talk to. At this point, I know things are not going to go anywhere, so I just shared more on my life and helped her out the best I could
Realizations:
- Although this was a different type of sting, it was in no way my fault. It was a nice change in the dating scene. Usually I get the typical ghost or someone avoidant who runs away due to being picky. But this time, we had an honest conversation about her not being ready and how she still had to work on being alone a bit more.
- When someone truly likes you, you won't feel a gap or a void. Although we had these great connections and conversations, our communication didn't work both ways. It was always me proposing things and calling her. When you date someone for 3-4 months and it still is like this, something is definitely up. This time, it was someone trying to be emotionally ready, but they were not.
- COVID-19 is a huge factor too. People are cooped up and they have to learn to deal with their thoughts a bit more. Although I experience these ups and downs too, I have a bit more emotional toughness in this area whereas she realized that she was not ready. Even though she initially was, COVID brought out her true feeling. It's a tough realization and something we don't have control over.
Honestly, I've got a great support group around me. Friends who are there for me and got my back no matter what. Additionally, I want to stress how difficult COVID-19 is right now. Who know what would have happened if it didn't occur. In a weird sense, I find this to be a blessing. It brought out the emotions that were deep within her and I was able to get clarity from her instead of it continuing with me wondering if she was interested or not.
At this point, I just told her to reach out if she ever wants to talk. That's all I can really do at this point. It's a weird feeling…although it didn't work out, I'm not blaming myself, but I just feel very empty. It's a feeling of disappointment that I have never felt. "It just didn't work out" is all I can really say.
All I can say is I'm getting better at detecting these kind of things. I'm learning to trust myself more when I feel something is off, but I still do my best to do my best and work to get to know someone.
I have no regrets and no qualms. I really hope she gets to work on herself more, and if she ever reaches out, I can give her some guidance. I naturally have some frustration and anger – COVID, the fact that I dated someone for this long, made progress, and it didn't work out, and an answer I'm not satisfied with.
But for now, I'm going to take some time to heal though and take some time for myself. And when I feel better, I'll jump right back in.
For all of you out there dealing with COVID-19 on top of the stress of dating, I feel you. You're not alone in this dilemma. I'm just glad that it's at least bringing out the emotions in people and making me see how people truly deal with problems in their lives. When I have a partner, I don't want to be with someone who shuts themselves off immediately from you. You deserve the respect and communication from someone who truly cares.
We all deal with tough life events in different ways. But one thing I will keep an eye on when dating in the future is how your potential partner handles tough times.
submitted by /u/Sundalo
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