I’ve never dated anyone in my adult life

Hi. Let me first start off with me having just had a date go awry last night. If I’m a bit emotional, the would is still fresh. We really liked each other but ended up sleeping together on the second date. Things moved to fast and it freaked both of us out. He ended things today. Now that’s cleared out of the way…

I’m 26 years old. I haven’t dated anyone since my HS boyfriend. I’ve had a few “non relationship relationships” where it looked and felt like we were dating, but thus far no man has wanted to genuinely be with me. I’ve gone through a lot in my life and it’s saddening to keep on growing with no one to share it with, watching others in my life find wonderful significant others. I’ve ended up having sex with outrageous amounts of men to cope with this. In fact, that’s what I thought men wanted from me. When I don’t put out, they lose interest. When I do, various negative things happen and has me ending up in tears every time.

I guess my point is…I don’t know why that even when I’m myself…men will like me for a while but then they say they’re not ready for something. Maybe I just like emotionally unavailable men? Maybe? I’ve been told countless times they love my personality but wish it was in someone more attractive. I’ve been told countless times “it’s not you, it’s me.”

Either way, 8 years of being single and not having experienced an adult relationship really hurts my soul and self-esteem. I have realized my self-worth is not dictated by my lack of relationship. But, it is just that issue that makes me wonder if there is something fundamentally wrong with me that makes me unlovable or even unlikable. This turned into a sob story, my apologies. I’m going through it right now.

Thanks for reading.