Ok, so it’s normal to feel nervous about going on a date right? The common advice is always “be yourself” or “don’t force anything and go with the flow”. Well, let me tell you this situation I’ve found myself in. I’m a 21 year old guy who’s about to drive 7 hours to spend 3 days with the girl of my dreams who’ve I only met twice in person. It’s a very long story that I need to vent to the internet so shout out to whoever reads this whole thing- okay. Now let me explain.
In the sixth grade when I was 12 years old my church youth group took a trip to a camp with other churches from other states. On the last day of this camp I met this incredibly cute girl who I instantly fell for on the spot. Somehow my awkward middle school self worked up the courage to ask for her number. However, she lived in a different state 7 hours from me. The camp eventually ended and we became close friends over the phone, and a year later we started a corny, middle schooler long distance relationship that lasted for a while. Although we were young, we both really cared about each other and it genuinely felt like real love despite our young age. We had an amazing connection and were were there for each other. But.. I eventually got fed up with the fact that we couldn’t go see each other and for the sake of both of our happiness I broke it off with her going into high school. However over the years we still managed to keep in touch and talk every once in a while to update each other on our life.
Towards the end of high school I had already lost my v card and had had experience dating girls. But I became a bit depressed due to a lot of stuff going on in my personal life and I became distant from a lot of people I was close with, including her. She always had a hot boyfriend and talking to her always made me feel sad or upset that we weren’t together so I eventually stopped replying to her for a time. I no longer saw her as a possibility and thought she was out of my reach and waaaaaaay out of my league.
After high school I gained a lot of weight and wasn’t in a healthy place in my life. She was at university living life as a extremely popular, drop dead gorgeous, sorority girl who gets 800+ likes on all her photos and is drooled over by every guy. And I was still home going to community college and missing all my friends. I started developing deep insecurities and my once confident, outgoing self turned into a insecure, depressed, overweight dude. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see the same person anymore. That only made things worse.
Halfway through my second year of college around Christmas I was now 20 years of age, at home, watching something stupid on tv late at night when I randomly get a call from her. I very hesitantly pick up the phone and answer it. We actually have a really good conversation and she tells me how much she misses talking to me. After that we then start talking more frequently over text and occasionally over the phone. She kept wanting to FaceTime and I rarely did, because I hated seeing my fat self on my phone talking to someone as pretty as she was. When I did FaceTime her it was mostly just half my face in the frame. Eventually she started to become really interested in me and sometimes said things like- “I was her person” and that “we were meant to be together”. But even after that I still didn’t see it her as a possibility because she was so far out of my league. One night I drunkenly told her over text about my depression and insecurities and I even went as far in saying that I thought I was cat fishing her. She of course shut me down and said I in no way was doing that and that she genuinely really liked me. A few weeks later I saw in her instagram story that she was hanging out with this guy that looked like he made a lot more sense being by her side rather than me. I mean, this dude had perfect teeth, a body builders six pack abs, and looked like he could get any girl he wanted. So after seeing that I stopped replying to her messages and didn’t pick up her calls, so she stopped calling.
Fast forward to that fall of the same year she texts me asking if I’m going to this music festival over the summer that she knew I went to every year. I finally reply and tell her that I was. She texts me a picture of her ticket and says that I’ll have to show her around the festival since it’s her first year going. I immediately get a mixed feeling of excitement, and despair. I was going to see her in person for the first time since MIDDLE SCHOOL. I was fat, insecure, and was in no shape to finally see her after all this time. But I couldn’t avoid it so I told her I was looking forward to seeing her. The next two months I was a nervous wreck, and was terrified of seeing her and her seeing me as this fat awkward guy. But, I was going to this festival, and I wasn’t about to leave her hanging after all this time.
The music festival arrived. It was a cool summer night, and I was surrounded by a massive group of happy people and some of my closest friends who had been reassuring me all day that I could do this, and that we would hit it off. So I gathered all the confidence I could muster, and she sent me a text of her gps location telling me to “come and find her”. I follow her location and call her to try and find her in this massive crowd of people. We eventually meet eyes at the same time and she literally runs into my arms. The next 3 hours we sit close together in the grass talking and smiling and staring into each other eyes. She has the prettiest eyes and I feel like I’m dreaming. None of it felt real. We walked around the festival and I noticed that she caught the attention of every. Single. Guy. That. Walked. Past. Us. And it wasn’t even me making it up in my head, like there were so many dudes that were obviously staring at her and looking her up and down. We stopped by my campsite right outside of the main festival area and I grabbed her one of my sweatshirts because she was cold. And let me tell you, she looked amazing in my favorite sweatshirt. I walked her back to her camp site where her friends were after a really nice night. I then hugged her goodnight, and made the mile walk back to my campsite wondering wether or not I should have kissed her. She didn’t really give me any signs as we were walking back so I didn’t make a move. I was too insecure to even make a move. However, I was happy with how the night went and was excited to see her the next day. I got back to my campsite and finished the night with shot after shot of tequila with my friends.
The next day: This day she decided to leave her friends around lunch time and spend the rest of the day with me and my friends. I was extremely hung over from the other night and had almost no energy. The day went way different from the other night, I was awkward, I stuttered trying to talk to her and sometimes was barely making any sense. She gave off a different energy than from the previous night too. Aside from some awkward points we had a decent day together and were both looking forward to seeing an artist we both like that night together. The time came for us to go the the main stage. We got there early, and a sea of people quickly started to form behind us. This is a pretty big festival, so there was roughly 100,000 people on site. The artist eventually goes on and we both vibe together. My friend kept trying to nudge me to put my hands on her waist but again she wasn’t giving me signs so I didn’t. However, a guy beside us was drunkenly staring at her ass the entire show. He was motioning to his friends to look at her and I got mad and pulled her closer in front of me out of the way of them. It was a bit awkward because I did it a bit aggressively and the music was too loud for me to even explain to her why I did that. My friend takes out a blunt and starts passing it around. Both me and her instantly got REALLY high. And not the laughing type high, but the paranoid awkward high. We planned on hanging out the rest of the night after the show but once the show ended, she randomly tells me she’s too tired and wants to go back to her camp and go to be but that I should stay with my friends and enjoy the rest of my night. I ask if I can walk her back and she says that she’ll be okay. It was night time, and we were surrounded by drugged out, drunk festival goers. So I insisted that she let me walk her back but she declines again. So I’m like alright fine and I give her a side hug goodnight and tell her I would see her the next day. She leaves and the rest of the night I was a wreck. My friends tried to cheer me up but nothing really helped. That was the last time I saw her.
I woke up the next morning feeling physically sick, exhausted, and most of all depressed. So I left the festival that morning and went back home. I texted her and made up a story about my friend needing to go back home because of family issues. She texts back saying that she’s disappointed that I had to leave but that she still needed to return my sweatshirt. But ultimately she didn’t seem like she genuinely cared or was interested so I told her that she would have to give it to me the next time we see each other if there even is a next time. And that was the last day we talked to each other for a while.
A few weeks after the festival I decided to get my shit together, and get healthy. I was 6’2 and 240 pounds of pure jelly. I was tired of feeling insecure and wanted to gain my confidence back. I changed my diet, and started exercising again. In a matter of 10 months I had hit my weight loss goal and lost a total of 70 pounds. Everyone I knew said I looked like a completely different person and congratulated me on my progress. I finally hit my goal. And this was only 1 month ago.
I now am much slimmer, and I look pretty skinny. However, I have extreme stretch marks and scars as well as loose skin and cellulite around my arms and stomach. I still have skin that sags and I’m still not comfortable in my body. I’m still working on bulking up and gaining muscle but I still haven’t found my confidence and am still very insecure. However, lately I have felt much better than I used to and am in a much healthier place. Two weeks ago though, She calls me, and I answer.
We go around again about how we miss each other and how she misses talking. We end up FaceTiming (now with my full face in the frame) and we have a really nice conversation. We talk again first thing the next morning and she again gives me all the signs and hints that she’s in to me.
A week ago she Facetime’s me and asks me if I’m busy the next week. I hesitantly tell her that I’m free and she tells me she’s driving to come spend the weekend with me at my apartment. Again it doesn’t feel real. She’s even more beautiful than she was a year ago at the festival and I can’t help but question myself about her intentions and why she’s interested in ME out of all people. We’re still no where in the same league and she has guys constantly trying to take her out. I agree to us seeing each other but I decline her offer to drive to me, and instead offer to drive to her because I’m more used to long drives. She accepts and we now have this next weekend planned for me to drive up and spend 3 days with together. She even mentions that her cousin is in town and is already sleeping on the couch and that I’ll have to share her bed with her. What a great way to make my anxiety EVEN WORSE. I haven’t had sex in years, let alone date anyone since my freshman year of college. Yet I have to drive and spend 3 days hanging out with the literal girl of my dreams. She’s kind, funny, has the prettiest smile, and I’ve never been attracted to another girl like I am her.
To make a long story short I am extremely nervous and am scared I’m going to be awkward and just get my heart broken for a second time. I don’t have a six pack like all of her past boyfriends, and I’m not a collegiate athlete. I’m confused about her intentions yet I’m too scared to ask. I guess to whoever read this whole thing I’m just easing my anxiety by sharing (and venting) this story. If you want to offer any encouragement or wise words I would greatly appreciate it lol.
-a nervous boy.
submitted by /u/MidnightOcean7
[link] [comments]
