It's been widely read throughout here how somewhat justifyably annoyed women get when a guy they've been chatting with on a dating app sends them what can be construed as a disappointed message after he realizes that in trying to nudge a conversation that has undergone a stretch of silence of over two or three days, it is not reawakening it.
The common denominator that is read as to why there may have been a stretch of silence on the women's side is, "I get so many matches and it's hard for me to keep up with all of the conversations. Why can't he just get the clue and move on?" The answer comes down to math and a failure to see it from the other person's point of view.
On the woman's end, her matches are steady and in some cases, oversaturated to the point where her attention span is split (arguably, to an unproductive degree) between many conversations going on at once. On his end, he has somewhere between 2-5 active matches. Of those 2-5 matches, he's pretty sure that 3 of them have already ghosted the conversation. Of the remaining, one conversation is fairly new, has barely gotten off the ground, and could very feasibly not go any further.
And then there's you. The only match who, at that point, had engaged in a promising light. This could finally be the opportunity he's been hoping for to transcend a dating app conversation into the fabled "date," and to see that chance slip away would mean not knowing when the next one will come around. Weeks? Months? Years? All are possible.
There's a very corny cliche that says, "To the world, you may just be one person, to one person, you may be the world." Obviously it would be dramatic to relate the problem to that scale of importance between two dating app strangers, but it's mostly true: When the average guy on a dating app has managed to engage with a woman who has matched back with him, he knows it will be hard fought battle to win that will include meticulous conversation craft and perfect timing, therefore any conversation that lasts beyond a few days means a lot. When the average woman on a dating app has managed to engage with a guy who has match back with her, she knows he is disposable, a dime a dozen, and if she lets one slip through the cracks even after a few days of full conversation, just wait a few minutes to see a new face emerge in his place.
The reason why women receive these final messages that might come off as passive aggressive are based in hurt and disappointment. While it is not the duty of women to coddle men and do their emotional labor, do realize that their is an enormous gravity and expectations put on the weight of great, dateable guys by the way women approach dating in a very "disposable" manner that has begun to increase their levels of depression, anxiety, a lack of self confidence, and frustration.
So what can women do to help alleviate this? Here are literally TWO tips that I don't imagine any will follow, but will help immensely in cutting down EVERYONE'S annoyance:
- Don't overmatch and begin conversations with too many people. Set a limit for yourself (5 conversations seems reasonable at max) and see how those conversations play out. If any don't work out, move onto the next match in queue. If you're worried about matches expiring on Bumble, shell out for the Boost membership so you can see who is trying to match you first, rather than plowing through the swipes yourself only to rack up 50 matches in a day.
- Unmatch conversations you've no intention of continuing or getting back to. Most guys honestly won't care if you don't say a word in doing so. It's actually a lot less frustrating to see a match disappear than to see a match in your conversations that has been sitting there for days without a response. Plus, it'll keep your inbox all neat and tidy without all the distractions!
Here's to a healthier and less frustrating dating experience, everyone!
submitted by /u/throwitdownagain321
[link] [comments]
