Tl;dr: scroll down to see some message templates you can use to help you reach out to people on messaging/dating apps
As someone who has to deal with anxiety/stress disorder and unemployment, I have been shit at maintaining contact with people. Unfortunately, this behavior hurts others and I would like to be more mindful. I managed to reach out to people from dating apps or in general, and apologize for my ghosting behavior and/or lack of initiative in reaching out. I also responded to people who were interested in me. Since this is very overwhelming (especially if you have a mental illness like depression or anxiety), I offer you these customizable message templates. Hope it helps!
Remember, you don't owe anyone your time or energy so take the time to check in with yourself, assess the situation, and mentally prepare for reaching out. Also, you don't have control over the other person's response so if they ignore/delete/unmatch you, start toxically projecting, or even insulting you, walk away from the situation and try not to feel too bad about yourself.
Final advice: if you are feeling unbearably overwhelmed and are deriving no pleasure from using dating apps for the time being, I highly recommend deleting them.
Apologizing for ghosting someone you're no longer interested in:
Hi! I hope you are doing alright. I wanted to apologize for the silence, there has been a lot going on in my life and my priorities have shifted. Still, that's no excuse for not keeping in touch – ghosting isn't cool! ["Because of xyz, I have had a hard time responding to you" feel free to share or not share what's been going on with you] I don't have a lot of social energy and I'm reserving that for a few people in my life. Although we've had a nice [time – chat – date – video call – etc.], I'm not interested in further pursuing this. I'm sorry if this has hurt your feelings but I believe being honest is better than prolonging this ghosting period. I wish you all the best!
Apologizing for ghosting someone you're interested in:
You can use the first part of the previous message starting from "Hi…my life" then:
I thought we had a very nice time together and would like to stay in touch, but right now I find it very difficult to do so. I [am still very interested in you/would like to continue being friends/or whatever applies to your situation]. Would you like to stay connected until [this current situation blows over/I feel ready to get in touch again]? If not, then I would completely understand if you decide to stop contact. Let me know how you feel about this. Take care!
Responding to someone who showed interest in you and you are (potentially) interested:
I recommend this message more for people who took the time to write something showing that they are interested in your rather than the generic "hi" messages, but you can also feel free to respond to those if you're interested in the person.
Hello there! Thanks for taking the time to send me a message. I didn't want to ignore you after you've made an effort to reach out! At the moment, I find it really hard to connect with new people – especially from dating apps – [so you can either end the sentence here or explain your situation further, here is what I personally said: "because I'm using up energy for other priorities at the moment, such as keeping in touch with other people already in my life"]. I would love to maybe stay connected and when I have more time/energy that I could properly devote for our conversation I will let you know. Hope you understand. If that is not what you would like, I would also understand your choice to unmatch. No hard feelings!
Responding to someone who showed interest in you/made small talk but you are not interested:
Once again, if someone put in effort with a thoughtful message to reach out or if there was no spark after some small talk, then it's better to respond. However, there is no need to respond to every single person. You don't owe any strangers your time!
Hi, thanks for [reaching out/your message]. This is difficult for me to say but it's the right thing to do instead of [not responding/ghosting] I am [not/no longer] interested in keeping in touch. I apologize if that sounded harsh and wish you all the best!
Reaching out to someone who ghosted you but you are still interested in them:
This one is tricky but you should shoot your shot if you think there is something still there between you and the person. While some people intentionally ghost, a lot of them don't intend to. We all have things going on in our lives that prevent us from reaching out and the longer it persists, the harder it is to get back in touch. This message has to strike a balance between expressing how you felt about being ghosted while also refraining from blaming the ghost (who may not have intended to do so).
Hi, how are you doing? It's been a while since our last chat! Hope you're doing alright. [You can write a short sentence here about how you've been doing/feeling]. I understand that many people start feeling guilty the longer they go without responding to messages. There is no reason to feel bad! However, if that's not the case and you're not interested in further pursuing the conversation, that is also fine – no pressure! Personally, I don't want to continue chatting with someone who feels forced to chat with me. I also did not want to assume that you were ghosting because maybe that isn't the case. If you're still interested in talking but it's too overwhelming to respond at the moment, you can send [a dot/an emoji/one word response/etc.] then we can continue this conversation whenever you feel like it. If you're not interested anymore, then you can just reply "not interested" then we don't have to talk at all anymore. Take care!"
Depending on how significant your contact/relationship was, you can add towards the end of the message that you will give them time to think through your message and reach out in a few days/a week/whatever amount of time you think is appropriate. If it's been 2-3 weeks with no contact, then no need to reach out again. Shit happens and I feel sorry things ended that way, it probably doesn't feel pleasant.
Please feel free to vent, ask for help, or offer help to others in the comment. Let's make this a post full of positive energy!
submitted by /u/PoliticsInEverything
[link] [comments]
