I've been FWB with John for over a year now and we recently decided to have our first date but something has been bugging me A LOT.
Around last November we were in bed and I got his phone to search for plants on google because mine was charging on the other side of the room. His messaging app was open and he had around 10 to 15 different conversations with prostitutes asking for prices and what they're comfortable doing. The first one was a confirmation for a appointment later that week. I was so shocked I just closed it and put his phone back and went to get mine to search for the plants and acted like nothing happened, I don't think he noticed.
On the day before he was supposed to meet her I couldn't sleep at all, I have anxiety and it got somewhat bad that night, so I just spent the night crying. In the morning he got up to take a shower and get dressed (I was staying at his place) and he asked me if I was okay, which I responded with a "no" because I clearly wasn't. John then asked me if I wanted to talk about it and I said no, cause I really didn't, it just felt weird. Then he said to call him if I change my mind about talking and said he had some stuff to do and he went off to probably fuck the prostitute.
Now, I REALLY like him. He's my best friend and I actually want to see if things work out between us, he's a lovely person and has always been there for me in every way in the 8 years we know each other.
But I don't know how to go about this. I know I should've asked him about it when it happened but I honestly just felt embarrassed and I was super pissed off, I mean, we were having sex and he just went off to search for prostitutes while I was staying at his place? Like honestly what the hell. Also he's very big on keeping his privacy and that has been a touchy topic for us. Even though we talked about him opening up and sharing more of his life with me, and he very obviously did that and we have an amazing friendship right now, I'm still scared he will be too embarrassed to talk about it if I confront him or that he will see it as me invading his privacy and get upset. I think like that because I made a joke a while back about him hiring a prostitute and he got kinda defensive and said he would never do that and we just laughed it off so I don't know how he would react to me actually confronting him about it.
I do know that not talking to John about this is NOT an option. I honestly didn't really think about it for the last few months but now that we are talking about taking a step forward with our relationship, I can't stop thinking about it. My main concern is knowing if this is a habit for him and also, when I do talk to him, I'd like to make it clear that I am not okay with him hiring sex workers while we are dating, even though we are not exclusive and haven't even had our first date yet.
So, am I overreacting? We never really had anything serious and maybe I'm crossing a line asking him about his sex life like that?
Also, how do I approach this with him? I really don't want him to get upset or feel like he can't tell me things. I'm really scared he will see it as me invading his privacy, I don't want him to think that cause that was not the case at all. What would you do?
- I'd like to make clear that I 100% support sex workers, the issue here is him hiring them while we are dating.
- English is not my first language so I'm sorry if this is poorly written
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