We’ve been together awhile now and I can honestly say there’s been a time or two his raised voice has scared me. He usually raises his voice often because I disagree, Go against what he tells me to do, or because I express how I feel towards certain things. He also cusses at me often during these situations, while also raising his voice louder and louder to talk over me (Most of the time I don’t raise my voice back)
He’s called me selfish for many reasons, all of which were not selfish but just weren’t his way. He’s called me ignorant because I try to explain the meaning of something while he has a different view on what it means ( I don’t condescend him, I actually just look up what it means ). He’s put all of my “selfish & ignorant” behaviour down to me being an only child, Though I honestly don’t believe I’m selfish as my family were very tight on money as I grew up & most thing’s had to be shared, I never really got birthday presents nor Christmas presents, never really asked for anything to be fair, and if I did want something it would always be to use with others or that others could find joy in too.
He’s said I lack compassion when I don’t give him his way, to be fair, I can just compromise and allow him to have his way, it saves an argument and time wasted being upset with one another, But his comments really stick with me due to the fact I am genuinely a good person, I know this because not only do I try my hardest to help other’s but I actually love it, it is never a problem to assist other people, to do what I can for other people, Him especially. I’ve bought him games, food, gift cards, basically anything to make him happy or make sure he ate, even when I myself wasn’t doing so good financially.
I honestly try my hardest to please him, to keep us happy, peaceful & healthy but lately it feels like it’s just not enough. I feel under appreciated, I feel like a burden to my own relationship, it’s become so bad that I begin to cry whenever he insults or raises his voice to me, I’m genuinely stressed to the max & in fear of doing or saying something wrong that I’ve stopped really arguing and just started staying silent until he comes back and calms down.
The icing on the cake is that he alway’s (I really do mean always) tell’s me I’m playing the victim & that every argument is my fault, but I’m just trying to blame him. I can’t handle this behaviour much more, After awhile he’ll come around and apologise, admitting it was him (I apologise too because I know it does take two to argue) but lately, I’ve just lacked all motivation to problem solve, and began to just cry until I feel better.
I guess my question is, What type of behaviour is he displaying? Please also don’t just take my side, because I know he most definitely has different views, and I most definitely have contributed towards arguments and issues, I’m not blaming him, but just wondering what I can do, how do I approach him to stop this, how can I get him to stop yelling at me and insulting me, how do I stop feeling like a burden?
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