Hello, I’m a 18 year old male (Turning 19 next Sunday) and I’ve visited this sub a few time’s and just stood on the sidelines and watched, but I’d like to vent a little and describe how dating was like for me, the not-so-popular high school kid never really had much luck with it outside of the internet. This’ll be long, just a warning.
From about grade 3 on, I was the chubby kid. I still am but I’ve filled out to where I’m like a dad that was fit in his teens but has had a few too many pizzas in college lol. What this has to do with the whole dating thing is that I was so self conscious about myself where I’d basically wear really unflattering baggy clothes (you know, the big ugly painter hoodies that my dad had laying around and old shitty cargo pants) which definitely didn’t help with girls noticing me. Fast forward to the 10th grade, the beginning of highschool. I finally figured out how to dress myself properly and started going for runs and lifting weights which took some of the more noticeable weight off me.
My first real taste of a relationship was in the very beginning of grade 10 with a girl named allie. She was from Colorado and a year older than me, but we had the same interests and we loved old true crime stories. We talked for a while but slowly as time went on, she just disappeared for a month. Her friend messages me saying she’s been sent to a psych hospital by her family because of the true crime interest and all. I felt bad, so one day I tried to call her, and when it answered it was her mom, screaming at me for liking her daughter and telling me I should be ashamed for my interests. That scared me off on dating for about a year.
I met another girl who actually messaged me first and said she liked me around Christmas time in grade 11, her name was Francesca and she was from Rhode Island. She was again, a year older and We called every weekend at night and talked. Things were going good, and around February I noticed that things were getting wacky. She’d get upset at me for not immediately messaging her back or going to sleep too early or something benign like that, and my friend at the time which coincidentally was her friend as well was being really weird too. To save time and not have PTSD about back then, I deduced that they were fucking with me the whole time, just trying to ruin my life. They brought me into the group chat where they were conspiring against me and they were scared how I figured out what they were doing. I blocked them all and shut down mentally until April, it really messed with me.
Then I met her, the one that I really thought was the one. Her name was emily, from Michigan. I had a meme account on Instagram back then, and she said she loved the stuff I made and posted and she wanted to get to know me. We dated for about a year, and the whole time she had me convinced that she was older than me by a few months and even made fun of me for it. She was actually nearly two years younger than I was and That kinda fucked with me a bit. I still liked her, but then again, she lost interest in me, but came back, and lost interest. Over and over and over. It’s my fault for letting it happen and it’s my fault for getting hurt but geez Louise is my psyche currently fucked from everything that’s happened throughout school.
I tried some dating from tinder, nothing worked out too well, my first date was downtown at a fast food place, I went to the wrong one and had to run all the way across town to get there on time, and then she basically flat out told me she thought I was ugly to my face as we walked out of the restaurant. I was like “alright sounds good see ya” and walked about 20 miles home. I was desensitized to rejection but I still felt bad about it at that point.
My second real life date was like a small Halloween get together on Halloween 2019. I went as ray stantz from the ghostbusters. We played clue and cards against humanity, demolished her and her roommate and his date both times, and I guess I said something wrong because the room felt really quiet and heavy whenever I’d say something (I had never been to a party let alone small social gathering like this before, so I didn’t know how to act). She said I wasn’t a fit for her, she was 21, and I was again like “cool okay bye” and walked home again and watched ghostbusters.
So that brings it to now, I sometimes go on tinder and just look but I never get any matches, I’m fine with it, but I like to have the allusion that someone out there likes me lol.
Thanks for letting me vent
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