I was lead on after breakup
Am I wrong to feel this way?
Me and my ex gf are both 21 (i will be in 2 months)
We broke up on the 3rd of April, mainly due to communicative issues. 3 days after our 1 year.
This was my first serious (I wished it was my last) relationship, and she made me happy, and I thought everything was great, until she broke up with me unexpectedly. It was completely blindsiding.
She told me that it was because she didn’t want to put more on my plate by talking about what was wrong in the relationship. At this time, I was going through parental divorce, family deaths, and my mother trying to kill herself on pills.
She should have told me, and she knows that. This is why I don’t think the breakup was my fault, because I was never told she was unhappy.
She cited many of the issues we had, and acted cold and hateful towards me.
During our breakup, she treated me terribly, I pissed her off because I wanted to make things work but she didn’t.
However, after finding out (I think this is what happened) I started to move on (She told me to as well!) she comes back (I am talking to this amazing girl) and she’s telling me things like how she didn’t think I loved her and whatnot. I admit it, this girl was me getting over my ex, but it’s different I really like her, we click amazingly.
Anyways,
She messaged me at 2AM last night wanted to talk about things. I told her fine, and we called around 10:30, and we talked for about 4 hours.
She told me this at the very end by the way:
She told me she initially called me to apologize (She treated me not the best during the breakup), and we caught up, talking about how things went down, what we could have done better, and how things could be better.
We started talking about getting back together, and it was going really well at one point, we were talking about our futures together, and how we’re going to hang out and whatnot over the summer.
However, after a while of talking, she starts doubting if it’s a good idea: she’s torn, and what’s to be with me, but content with being alone.
She also said: she didn’t want me to move on, and she didn’t want to either. I didn’t want to move on either, but I thought it was over for good, so I started moving on.
She started insulting the girl, saying stuff like: she’s not your type, she has weird tattoos and she wears pink? I’m not sure
We keep going back and forth until she says she doesn’t want anything with us right now.
Dropping breadcrumbs like: maybe in the future when we’re both single, we can try again, but she doesn’t want to right now
She doesn’t want a relationship and wants to be alone, and it’s not you, it’s me.
She even said after I said I’m never enough, she said: yes you are, you are amazing.
She told me I was a great boyfriend, and I was great. So no matter what, it seems like I’m not good enough?
Even her mother told her not to break up with me and to think about it. That’s not really important, but she even told me that.
She also exclaims to have never given thought to the idea of us getting back together, yet she entertains it?
But she just wants to be alone.
She then said down the road she wants to try and be friends. Like what the actual f? You break my heart, treat me like shit, lead me on, and you expect me to just forget about it?
She strung me along, the whole time, saying she didn’t think the conversation of us getting back together was even possible.. but SHE CONTRIBUTED A TON TO THAT.
She said she was sorry, but I kept my composure, didn’t cry, or yell, I told her how I felt: I was mad, and disappointed that she would do this to me. Like how can you do that? How can you be okay after that?
For what? Attention? I don’t know.
She doesn’t want me to wait around on her as that’s not fair to me, and not to her either.
How can you do that to someone you apparently ‘love’? We were talking like nothing ever happened, then she just backtracks on everything. How is that fair?
Do I ever contact her again? Am I wrong to feel this way?
I’m not devastated, I told her I’m really upset, pissed, annoyed and disappointed and I am, and basically hung up. Ending on her feeling bad, as she should for how she lead me on.
I let her know she hurt me, I didn’t act like everything was okay, I couldn’t physically do that.
Before the call ended I told her, we’re making a mistake here, you are making a mistake here. And she remained silent.
I hope she’s not the one that got away:( Because it feels that way, she seems hurt by the fact that I’m trying to move on, as she told me to do so.
My friends and family would hate me if I ever got back with her too, they know all the good times we had, and the bad, and they would strangle me, as they have seen me have breakdowns over this girl.
Am I the toxic one? Am I the issue? Am I not good enough? I’m so very lost and confused right now.
Any advice? I’m so mind ducked right now.
I hate to sound like I’m complaining with everything happening in the world, but it’s just so ridiculous really. I just feel like my mind is being messed with. I do love her, but I’m just losing hope at that point.
I feel like a psychopath for all of this, and even after everything she’s done, I still want to be with her and try again. I hate it so much. Because I’m in love with someone that doesn’t know what they want.
I need someone to tell me what’s happening, what to do, maybe even how to get her back I don’t know (like I don’t know what to do right now)
tl;dr : ex gf broke up with me out of nowhere, comes back after she told me to move on, wants to get back together, changes her mind, and doesn’t want a relationship. She broke up with me, lead me on, doesn’t want me to move on either. Questioning if she’s the one that got away. And after all this, I STILL want to be with her, call me an idiot, because I know I am.
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