And I don’t know why but tonight it’s hitting me. Yes, we’re both older. Yes, older people are bound to have had prior serious relationships. Yes, it’s normal. Yes, I’m just insecure. Yes, it’s probably a reaction to my own trauma. But hear me out.
Background: In terms of engagement. I mean ring and date set. And then the girl left her for a man. This happened 6 years ago.
I’m struggling with the fact that she tells me all the time I’m the one for her. We’re going to get married. Soul mates. Etc etc. And yes, it’s fantastic. She’s amazing. She truly is.
But for whatever reason right now my brain is beating me up. Reminding me she’s said the same things to the girl she was engaged to before me. Reminding me I’m not her first. Reminding me that there was someone before me. Reminding me that when we do become engaged ourselves. It won’t be her first time. Planning the wedding won’t be the first time. That this isn’t the first time she gave her all to someone. Nothing will be her first with me.
I did briefly bring it up tonight with her. And she told me she never felt like she gave her all to that girl. That that girl hurt her. That the way she feels for me is different. Etc etc trying to reassure me. And I don’t know what I needed to hear. Hell I don’t even know what I’m posting here for. But whatever it was my brain needed to hear. It wasn’t anything she said.
So yeah. I don’t know what I need to do. Or hear. Or anything.
Maybe I’m just overreacting. And being stupid. Well. I know I am. I know it’s my own insecurities. But my anxiety is trash. And I can’t stop the thoughts.
submitted by /u/OldConsolidation
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