Never having been in a relationship during my teens and 20s will haunt me for the rest of my life I think if I’m honest. Just need to get to where it doesn’t hurt do much.

I’m in my 30s now and it’s flying by faster than my 20s (which felt like they were over in a few months or something). I keep trying to reframe things and tell myself that it’s fine that I never was in a relationship during this time. But it’s a lie. I’ll always care that this didn’t happen to me. I’ll always feel like I missed out on something special. A period of time that most people find to be their best years of life. I just missed out on them. So it basically ruined my life in a way. And for the rest of my life I’m doomed to live with the fact that I’m running behind everyone in this central part of life. So it kind of is a big deal. I try to dismiss it because when I finally had sex I didn’t like it. Well, I missed out on it. It’s already gone. Being a coward when I was younger fucked me over completely.