I’m 28F, I have been using dating apps consistently for about a year now in hopes of finding something serious.
I mostly use Hinge but have given Bumble a try too – not really a fan.
Tinder is an absolute NO.
OkCupid sucks in my area I haven’t given match or eHarmony a chance yet.
Let me give you some context as to where I live and a little about myself and my lifestyle. I live in Southern California. I’m 5’2, petite but with curves (think Kourtney Kardashian body). I have dark brown hair that hits below my chest, brown eyes and an ivory complexion. I’m Caucasian but not European. I’m an attractive girl. I have a fun personality but can be a little too opinionated sometimes and have been told I come off a little entitled (this is my downfall, I’m aware and working on it).
I have an education, I have a job, I work in the legal field. I come from a good family with good values. I can be nurturing; I know how to take on a traditional role and cook and clean but I’m also driven and have my own goals, I also know how to get dressed up and look pretty and sexy.
Obviously, nobody is perfect, but I really don’t see what about me is SO BAD that I’m getting ghosted/ignored/rejected. I sometimes match with guys who don’t even bother ever sending a message and I wonder why? And yes, I know women can also message first and I have before, sometimes I get a response and sometimes I don’t. I’ve noticed the guys who don’t send me a message first aren’t that interested to begin with so if I do reach out, I have to try extra hard to keep them engaged and they’re just meh about me which then makes me feel pathetic for trying so hard to get a guy to be interested in me.
My dating profile is definitely more on the conservative side. I have face shots, fully body shots but I have no bikini photos or anything, I barely have any pictures that show skin at all so I have wondered if it’s because I’m using these dating apps for the wrong reason or something? Like I’m genuinely trying to find my future husband, but I feel like no 30 something year old guy in LA goes on Hinge to find his future wife, they really truly don’t. I feel like I’m looking in the wrong place but I also don’t know where else to look? People on here, always suggest things like through friends and social circle or meet ups or work. Okay when it comes to the friends/social circle things, let me remind all of you reddit users how Southern California is different than the rest of the country and the world really. In LA, it’s extremely hard to make (real) friends who have your best interest at heart so most people keep to a small circle (what I have done). So when you have a small circle, it’s even harder to meet new people through them and if you happen to do so, what are the odds that you’ll click? And if you have a large circle, I can guarantee more than half those friends are fake opportunistic narcissists who only want you around when it serves their best interest, they are in no way people who are thinking of setting you up with their cute neighbor or coworker or some shit. That’s not how it works here.
The meet up/hobbies thing is an interesting suggestion too. I’m all for picking up a hobby for self-improvement but I really don’t see how a new hobby will up my chances of meeting my future husband. Again, this is Southern California, socializing and meeting good quality people here is an absolute fucking chore, it’s nearly impossible. I’ve lived here my whole life, I know. So picking up a new hobby will really do me no good other than keep me busy or help me improve a skill/talent which is great but… that’s not the purpose of this post, that’s not what I’m trying to achieve. I’m 28, I’d like to meet someone and hopefully get married within the next 2-3 years.
As for work, there aren’t many available men and the ones that are, there’s no connection. I’m not going to agree to date anyone just for the sake of being with somebody, I’m trying to meet someone I can spend the rest of my life with.
So, I really have felt that dating apps are my only option but men (in my area at least) don’t go on there for a meaningful relationship that can potentially lead to marriage. They are looking for casual dating, one-night stands, FWB, “just to see what’s out there”, some guys are on there for the sole purpose of growing their Instagram following (not even exaggerating). My age range is set to 28-38. I really cannot imagine dating someone more than 10 years older than me and DEFINITELY NOT someone younger so I’d like to keep it there but I’m not having any luck at all. I truly feel that when guys come across my dating profile, they can easily get a sense that I am not a girl looking to fool around and that I want something serious so they either dismiss me or don’t try too hard to impress me cause they’re sure that I won’t be putting out because that’s all that they’re looking for. I know what kind of demeanor men have when they want something serious and I have not felt or seen that from any of the guys I’ve matched with, talked to or gone on dates in the past year so I have really come to the conclusion that guys only go on these apps to get laid and when they don’t get it, they have no problem disappearing out of your life to go find their next victim or a girl who is at least on the same page as them.
submitted by /u/cures511
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