Nobody wants me (21m) and it feels like it’ll never get better

I have never felt like anyone has ever cared if I am around or not, my family included. I feel like I’m pretty socially aware and I always keep people laughing but I am never good enough for people to keep around. Even my best friends from campus have been extremely short with me when I have tried to talk to them and are happy to leave me on read for days. Genuinely the most I’ve felt loved in months is when my plug invited me to smoke with him the other day.

I feel so ugly every day, I’m literally reduced to tears when I think about how i look. It’ll never matter how much love I want to give to somebody because no girl is ever going to want to settle for somebody as ugly as myself. My mom and sister have both told me that they rank me as a 2/10. This was after I lost 80 pounds, after I bought a car, after I bought new clothes, I have done everything I can think of to try to fix myself and after all of that I’m still a 2/10. I just feel such a genuine and pure hatred for myself, I hate that I have to be such a genuinely disgusting and unlovable person.

I would do anything to feel like somebody loved me. I’m definitely the definition of what people call a “simp” If I had the opportunity to be one. I’ve thought about it a lot and I’d do anything, I would drop out of college, I’d sell my computer and all my game systems/games I own, I’d quit my jobs, I’d sell my car, I don’t care what I would have to give up at this point because anything is worth having that feeling.

I feel like there’s nothing to look forward to anymore, or doesn’t matter what I do or what I achieve I will never be good enough. I have no motivation for anything, I couldn’t give a fuck less about my job, my degree, or my hobbies. The only things I live for anymore is going to work, drinking/getting high, and going to sleep. I feel like I have no reason to live, the only aspirations I had were to find somebody to want to spend my life with and make enough money to live somewhat comfortably. Now that just feels like a joke, like I was kidding myself throughout my childhood when I felt like there would be a day when somebody treated me like I mattered, I’m such a loser.

I don’t know what specific advice I’m looking for but I’d appreciate any that you could give me, thanks.