I (21F) feel like in these past 2-3 years of dating men who I either met through school or Tinder, that I’m not good enough for that girlfriend status. No one has really gone out of their way to do romantic things for me. I’m not saying that I want to be put up on a pedestal or treated like some princess, but I’d like to receive flowers on a date for once or have someone make plans for a cute date.
I can’t tell if it’s just because of my personality, but it’s almost like I’m a friend that guys just want to be physical with. I’m pretty funny and I usually connect with guys through goofy/sarcastic text convos. I show my affection through physical touch, cooking/cleaning, thinking of creative ways I can let the guys I’m interested in know that I’m thinking of them. For example I recently took a couple hours to digitally draw a selfie that this guy I’m dating sent me. My family kinda calls me the overly sympathetic/compassionate type because I get very emotional and feel sensitive towards certain things going on around the world.
I guess I just want to be taken seriously? I want someone to feel “sure” about me. Most of my “situationships” only lasted a couple months because I’ve moved around quite a lot. For example I was talking to this guy I met at my university, but had to move to another country 2 months later. And once I moved to this new country, I had to move and leave this other Korean guy I met after 4 months. It’s kind of fucked with my perception of how my feelings for someone are supposed to develop, because with prior knowledge that I’m going to literally leave that country, I hadn’t allowed myself to deeply like that person.
Now that I’ve moved to this country that I can see myself living in for the next 5 years, I find myself searching for a sense of security/home. I know it’s wrong to depend so heavily on other people, but in these last few years, my definition of home has changed from a piece of real estate to the friends and loved ones around me.
I’m now dating this guy (20M-I’ll call him Jake) for around 6 months. I want things to become more serious. I can tell he likes me and enjoys my company, but I doubt if he can provide me (?) with what I’m looking for. I feel like I’m in this weird grey area where I’m not necessarily single, but I’m not taken either. In general, I don’t consider myself in a relationship until I’m straight up asked if I want to be their girlfriend. I’m scared of being perceived as too “chill” or “laidback” to the point guys can think they can take advantage of my generosity or kindness. I can’t help but think it’s simply a matter of Jake not liking me enough to seriously invest his energy into me. If 6 months has passed with someone with consistent talking/texting and sleepovers, shouldn’t they be at least a little bit sure about their feelings for me?
My mind begins to wonder if I’m being used for my body. Men in the past seemed to be mostly interested in me for sex. I’ve felt before I’m only good for physical relationships (correlated to moving around often and being unable to emotionally connect). I haven’t had sex with Jake yet just to be clear. My sex drive is higher than his and I tend to initiate making out/HJs so this makes me think he isn’t just playing me for my body. Even though I know he likes me and wants to keep spending time with me, I wonder if it’s all a matter of him not liking me enough to take me seriously. I have a high tolerance for putting up with shit, so I’m scared I’ll allow myself to wait and wait until he decides he wants to be in a relationship. I don’t want to give him “girlfriend privileges” if he’s not planning on making things official.
I’m looking for some advice on this “situationship” and different perspectives on my dating mindset.
I hope I’ve expressed myself clearly enough for y’all. Thank you.
submitted by /u/cookedkimchi
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