I joined Hinge not with the best of expectations, but an open mind. I’m 21 so while I’m open to serious relationships, I don’t mind something more casual so long as there’s honesty, respect and consistency. I feel like if you’re looking for consistency – then Hinge is where you’ll go to. If you want a ONS or something of the sort – you go to Tinder.
I’m a successful, college-educated, career-driven, conventionally attractive woman, so getting matches is not that much of a problem for me. Thing is that I’m quite picky since I value my time and I’m only down to spend it on max 2 people at a time. So I matched with this attractive dude who just moved to town to work as an engineer. We clicked immediately, bonding over all sorts of topics – from our careers and passions, to our dorky interests and love for cooking. Every single day I’d look forward to paragraphs with details and questions from him. It was something exciting and fun. Eventually, he asked me out on a date, which was honestly the best date I’ve ever had. The chemistry was off the charts, in terms of conversational topics and physical attractiveness. We explored food trucks, had drinks, enjoyed the scenery and each other’s company. Towards the end of the date, we sat on a bench at the park overlooking the lake and made out. We made plans to see each other again and he dropped me off by my car. It was a wonderful time.
The next evening, I thanked him for the date and asked to go out next Saturday. We talked throughout the week and even made plans to see each other beyond the weekend. He was eager to try my cooking and go kayaking with me. Our text convos were pretty scattered throughout the week – maybe one or two texts a day, next day reply, etc. I thought it was a good pace. Eventually, Saturday came around, and we went to an open mall, got ice cream and looked around. We talked and flirted, it was a lot of fun. He grabbed me by the waist and made out with me, asking if I would go over to his place. I did, because the sexual chemistry was off the roof and I felt comfortable with him. I really didn’t think that this would be a turning point at all… We got to his place, he asked to play Mario kart, which was a ton of fun and full of flirting and joking. Things escalated and we ended up having some pretty darn good sex. Immediately after, he told me that he didn’t join the app looking for something serious (I’m the first person he’s met here… he’s new to town… etc) but that he was open to whatever I wanted out of this and we could keep hanging out and seeing where it goes. I told him that I wasn’t looking for something necessarily long term and serious, but perhaps some exclusivity and safety, and he said he may be open to that – but we’d have to get to know each other more. That sounded fine with me. So we watched a movie, made out some more, had some more sex, cuddled, joked around, were playful with each other. He ordered some food for me, referenced the “next time we saw each other”. I had to leave to check on my dog so he took me to my car and kissed me goodbye. I’d say it was a pretty successful outing.
Since I heard from him everyday, I thought it was a little odd to not hear from him after finally having sex. I waited until the next night and nothing. So I texted him that I enjoyed the night before. He said “haha that was fun”. Seemed kind of short and abrupt. The day after I tried to make conversation, but same thing happened. After he just replied with an emoji I cut to the chase and asked if he actually wanted to keep hanging out. He said that he did, that he was definitely down to hang out with me more, but that he just got out of a toxic long term relationship, plus is in a new city with a new job so he’s emotionally unavailable. That wasn’t really what I asked, so I told him that that’s fine with me and that I don’t expect something long term this young, unless someone truly blows me away. However, I’m not into the idea of being a 20 minute booty call – I’m open to something casual and exciting, so long as I get dressed up, taken out, and the sex involves honesty, safety, respect and a degree of consistency.
And he ghosted. LOL. I’m not really sad since I didn’t know this person that well… I’m more… exhausted and confused? So much energy was put into our conversations, so it’s insane to me that it ended so abruptly. And if he wasn’t looking for something consistent, then why put all that effort himself? He wrote massive paragraphs everyday sharing things about himself and getting to know me. And even if I wasn’t what he expected towards the end, I wasn’t offering a serious long term relationship. Just an experience based on excitement that I would be down for on my terms. From the dates and the intense chemistry, I wouldn’t have guessed that he wasn’t into my company, even just casually. I’m just shocked that he wanted a one night stand after all of this effort. And he didn’t even have the decency to reply to my proposal, leaving the last thing that he said to me “I’m definitely down to hang out with you more” before he ghosted me. He could’ve honestly just said “Sorry, we had fun but I don’t really feel the chemistry” instead of giving me a sob story, saying that he definitely wants to hang out more, and ghosting me. He’s a tall, attractive man, I’m sure he can easily get a quick bang for 1/4 of the effort. How do I even weed out people like this? ?
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