a few hours ago someone posted a thread here stating they hate dating, that it is pretty much simply a very painful experience.
Many top comments did not provide advicd but simply told them: “you are a negative shit person, people dont want to be around you, grow up”
Whilst I understand this sentiment coming from people who actually enjoy dating, it is unfair for those who have struggled for years without succes.
Personally, I have wanted a girlfriend since 15, 22 now, but have never had one. I have gone through periods of both incredible self hate and but also indifference. Simply put, not achieving something everyone seems to achieve for years without understanding why can lead to quite some mental strain to say the least.
In my case, like in many others’ probably, the problem isnt necesarily external. I am not a mean stupid hateful person. I lead an active life with plenty of hobbies and social activities. Still, due to my internal problems, dating seemed like one of the biggest hells possible.
It is correct that, to ‘succeed’, one has to find peace with themselves. This is, however not done by ‘just being less negative’. It is a mindset that requires YEARS of building. Recently, I myself for the first time, have experienced dating in a more positive light. I am not there yet, but have gone a long way since the beginning.
In the end there is no real answer to all those who seek help. In the end, ‘being yourself’, is the best thing one can do. However, the real question obviously is HOW one can be themselves. Loads of walls have to be passed before being yourself becomes truly effective and actually simply real and true.
So, to those who struggle I say: Yes, dating is incredibly painful at the start. You will most likely have to endure many painful days/ weeks/ months/ years. The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop asking what you want in that far away future when you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, and to start asking what you want NOW. What can you do that you can have in a few days time? Ask this very concretely to yourself.
Start living to those moments in the very near future. Do you feel like doing dance, apply for dancing now. And yes, even with this: Do you see an attractive person. TALK TO THEM. Dont push anything on yourself, nothing. Just FEEL what you want NOW.
I know this might sound vague, but there is no concrete solution. Just keep doing those small things you enjoy and you will automatically also enjoy your fellow humans more.
submitted by /u/On-The-Mountain
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