I have been dating my boyfriend over a year. He’s been a dream. He’s very patient and affectionate with me in ways men prior have not been. We have common interests which makes hanging out fun and enjoyable to us both. We live close and have flexible schedules for all kinds of adventures.
However, I had been very ill recently and my boyfriend was patient and helped me through much of the recovery process. I’ve been feeling much better, quarantine has been great at bringing us closer, and overall we’ve really settled into the relationship.
However, as I’ve been recovering I’ve had some emotional days, a new job had me stressed, plus overall corona virus stress. I was upset that my boyfriend got me the gift I asked him not the get me for my birthday. (Long story, but it was a nice gift, but it felt motivated by his wants and not something I would want.) I was tired of feeling like instead of listening to me, he was just disagreeing with me, not supporting me, or trying to fix things. I was upset that his family told me they loved me on my birthday, but he never once has. I was upset that he never seemed to be interested in any of my interests that are solely mine. I felt like he was just stringing me along and ignoring that I wanted to get a home together instead of just sleeping over every night. Our sex life stalled. I was irritated all the time.
I tried talking to him about it, and it made it worse… It was like he kept saying the exact opposite of what I expected to hear. He’d answer a question I had, I was upset at the answer, then I would clarify and be even more upset. I got caught in a negative loop when things seemed like a fairy tale a few days prior.
Finally when I asked why he never said he loves me, he replied that he loves parts of me… what does that even mean?! I was angry. I called all my friends and complained. They were all mad and strongly suggesting a break up as well. I didn’t know what to do. I was ready to end it. I went to a bar to have my first drink in over a year I was so shaken. I vented to my bartender/friend when a patron overheard me.
The patron called me over and I happily explained how irritated he was with my boyfriend’s reply that he loved parts of me and all the other gripes of the last 15 months. He told me that it sounds like my boyfriend really cares about me and is just bad at expressing his feelings. I knew he was right. My boyfriend has such a hard time with communicating period let alone communicating feelings. I talked to him some more and told him the wonderful things about my boyfriend I loved, and then committed to just enjoying the next date with my boyfriend. I thought that breaking up could still be an option, but I would at least wait another day until I calmed down.
I wrote him an apology note, and we just went on our date as though it was business as usual. I had a great time and was able to leave the upset and disappointment behind me. The next day he bought a new mattress after I had complained of persistent back pain for nearly a month I attributed to his poor quality mattress. It was a sweet gesture of love and protection. Maybe he has trouble saying it, but he shows me that really does care.
Anyway, all this to say, I read here a lot of people immediately suggesting a break up. I wanted to post here knowing that would be the likely reply… but instead, I listened to the bar stranger and just waited and gave my boyfriend a chance to express his love for me in his own way.
submitted by /u/catpicsorbust
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