Who pays on a first date?
Whenever I (24F) go on a first date, I make a true effort to split the bill (not an empty offer – I really prefer splitting & bring cash in bills small enough that I can do it easily). I feel like it takes pressure off any “expectation” of things after the date – it makes me more comfortable. I have been on a date or two where I didn’t pay, and the man who seemed very nice changed demeanors in the parking lot and expected (or straight up took) a long kiss/got very handsy & wanted more, and even accused me of “using him” when I later said I had fun, but didn’t want a second date.
After a first date, I don’t have a problem being paid for &/or taking turns, but we start off with a more equal dynamic & I hope it’s a sign that even if things don’t work out for a second date, at least he knows I wasn’t using him for a meal.
This week, I went out with someone new, (24M) and he did allow me to split the bill, which made me happy. I don’t think he had any unfair expectations or anything, it just is something I like to do. We had a great night together & he said “well then, I’m getting the next one” – I said great.
Talking to him last night on the phone, he said “you know, I have never had a woman insist on paying or splitting the bill for a date. I have talked to my friends and some coworkers about it and I still feel like I shouldn’t have let you! It feels wrong! And I wouldn’t have had two beers if I’d known you’d be splitting it!”
I laughed it off and said again, it was no big deal & “well, you’re getting the next one, right? ?”.
I think it’s lighthearted & sweet that he had thought about it so much, but my friends say I should have let him pay & that it was a major faux pax. Is this really a thing! And why is it okay? I am grownup & I have money too.
TL;DR – I prefer to split the bill on a first date and my recent date was very surprised/says that he has never had a woman offer to split the bill or pay. My friends say I should always allow the man to pay, especially on a first date. Is this really a standard?
submitted by /u/CarefullyCognizant
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