I'm leaving out some details and changing names as to not be identifiable. The gist of the situation is here, so trust that the important points are true.
I have a friend, we'll call her Monica. We met through a dating app a year earlier when I was looking for a friend situation that could possibly develop into more. I made this clear and I WAS NOT looking for an FWB. I genuinely prefer to develop a close friendship first because I find my best relationships come through this method. I'm a complex person and recognize it takes a while to "get me". Jumping into dating right away just doesn't work.
On the other side, she was pushing for sex IMMEDIATELY. I never had a woman push so hard. She was extremely sexually attracted to me for some reason. I stayed firm and was dating around while I attempted to get to know her. I almost stopped talking to her multiple times because it got annoying getting unsolicited nude pictures from her attempting to seduce me. I told her over and over she doesn't understand who I am, and finally she chilled out and stopped being so aggressive. I did like her, however, and continued talking to her. She would still ask to do things and I'd generally ignore the requests or be vague.
After three or four months of getting to know her, I finally agreed to a date. It went well, though she said things after the date like "I wasn't sure if you liked me or not". She's unbelievably beautiful, but very insecure. No sex (though she said she would have if not for her period…and I didn't push for it anyway).
The next time we could get together I had other plans and didn't really tell her. Plus I was busy and it really bothered her that I didn't text her for like 48 hours. Next thing I know I'm ready to start something with her and she starts pulling away. Later I find out that I was a huge source of stress for her over all those months.
That's when the tables turned and I became what she had been. It was a stressful time at work, which bled over into our friendship. On top of that, she had a lot of shit going on herself. This culminated in her blocking me and not talking to me. I occasionally texted her to see how she was doing, but got no responses. I assumed there was another guy at that point.
Shoot forward three months when I randomly texted her …she actually responds. At the time I had found another girlfriend and was cool being friends. Then that relationship ended and we went from occasional texts to daily texts to talking on the phone four or five nights a week for 1 to 3 hours. I think she began to see who I am better at that point and my good attributes came through more and more (as did hers). It's always better to talk than to text…always remember this. Your true self comes through much more clearly.
Slowly, our conversations became more of the romantically interested type, including explicit sexual conversation. This culminated in us FINALLY hooking up a while back. I was not completely on my game, but I apparently made an impression as I'm getting random invites at night (usually busy though) and we talk regularly, including very intimate sexual conversations. She self confesses that she's very difficult to get off, but I can do it over the phone with my voice alone.
The thing is, when we hooked up it was very emotional and we were a little drunk (her more than me). I cherished points at which we just looked into each other's eyes (she has amazing eyes and her smile sends me to the moon). At one point we were just laying there after I held her when she was crying about things she's dealing with right now. She was on her back as we laid there nude in silence, as if she was thinking when out of nowhere I hear "I love you", to which I replied "what was that?" Unsure I heard her correctly. She immediately rolled to her side away from me in what I interpreted as embarrassment. The next day I ended up inquiring as to whether she remembered and idiotically told her what she said when I should have let it go.
We agreed to forget it happened but my dumbass made a joke of it the next day…which upset her and caused her to say we needed to back up and not talk for a set amount of time. She made it about three quarters of the way through that period of time and was inviting me over before the time period expired. She clearly missed me OR maybe she was just horny and I had proven myself worth her time. She could easily get other men, as she's extremely attractive.
Thing is this… I do love her. I didn't say it to her because she was drunk and I haven't said it since then because she has tried to backtrack and say she was "just drunk".
My main question is…does she actually love me? She puts up with a lot about me. I'm not easy, but she definitely gets me and I think I get her. Additionally, our sexual chemistry and after sex chemistry is intense. My intuition is that she does love me, but I'm gun-shy at this point. Right now I think it's best to just wait and let it come organically. There is no reason for me to say it as long as she continues seeing me for sexual encounters. I figure it's best not to scare her and just let her get attached more and more. Right now, I'm just playing it safe in FWB land trying not to push her or scare her but let her know that I'm not going anywhere.
submitted by /u/PhenderMan
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