Hey Reddit, so I’m a Male, 20, and for the last couple of months I’ve been talking to a Female, 20 (am I doing this right?) Anyway, this girl and I have been flirtatious with each other since October 2018, until she got with another guy.
They broke up in August, and this girl and I actively went on some dates, but then she expressed that she wasn’t ready for something serious. I took a step back, but then within two months, she was back with her ex-boyfriend.
Flash forward to March, they broke up again- for real this time. We then started talking again and agreed to go on another date. We had the date, and it was like we picked right up where we left off. She ended up spending the night at my place (nothing sexual), but we had an amazing, romantic night together, which in her words she “had never felt like this before.” Lots of talk about how she “never spends the night on a date, but I just feel really happy with you right now” and that I make her feel special, and a lot of things along those lines. Very romantic- perfect night.
Then COVID happened and I didn’t see her for two months. However, we proceeded to text a lot and FaceTime every day because we started collaborating on a creative project together that we finished early May. After two months of quarantining (and working together) she came over so we could finish the project, and we had another amazing night. It honestly felt like she was already my girlfriend. We planned to have another date in another three weeks (trying to spread dates out cuz of COVID).
Flash forward to this last week. I asked her to come over for another date, and she said she wasn’t comfortable calling it a date. When asked for clarification, she said she didn’t want to kiss anymore or be romantically active with anyone because she’s not in a good mental place for that right now. She then told me that she has a difficult time opening up to others in a romantic way and that she’s simply not ready and that I shouldn’t expect anything from her (she’s fully aware of my feelings towards her, by the way). I told her that I of course don’t expect anything from her, and that I understand her decision- but ended it by telling her that whenever she does feel ready for something serious, to let me know because I am ready.
Something that should also be noted is that we have amazing conversations in person but she is not the best at texting (she’s actually a very bad texter and always has been, even throughout this entire fling) and this conversation occurred over text, so I haven’t talked to her in person about it.
So she’s still coming over on Friday, even though it’s not a date, and I don’t know what to do. The thing is, this girl is perfect for me. We have the exact same interests and same goals, and we’re essentially the same person. I truly think this is an issue of timing, and I think it would be stupid to move on and find someone else. I’d be giving up something great, because I honestly think if I wait it out and respect her space, we’d end up together. I don’t want to give that up, because those times that we were together and she wasn’t worried about dating, were AMAZING. I was in a 2.5 year relationship before this and never felt this connection.
So should I wait for her to be ready? And should I let her know that? We keep coming back to each other and coming back into the others’ lives in the romantic sense for the last year and a half, so there is obviously is an attraction and an emotional connection on both sides- I’d just hate to give this up with her in the long run because I’m impatient and she’s not ready for something right now.
And the truth is, I don’t want someone else to swoop in while I’m respecting her space.
The bottom line is: I’m scared that when she is ready, she’ll have forgotten about me and these last couple months, and I don’t want her to forget. I want her to remember me when she’s finally ready for something serious.
TL;DR: This girl that is perfect for me has expressed emotional and physical attraction time and time again, but isn’t ready for a relationship and wants to take a step back, and I don’t want to lose her.
Thanks so much for reading, now do your thing, Reddit!
submitted by /u/snappy_zach
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