Don't know if someone will read this, but I genuinely do need some advice here.
TDLR; the girl (20F) that I (21M) have been dating would say that she misses me and has feelings for me, yet she never makes the effort to actually let us meet.
Usually, I'm that kind of a person who knows what to do most of the time, however, this time I'm actually lost and feel like it's either actually way too complicated or I need someone to point the obvious for me. Regardless, I hope you guys read this and give me a different perspective to it.
After ending a long term relationship in November, I tried online dating for many months which have all majorly failed because people were not who they claimed to be. Therefore, the start of January I took a decision to only date people who I'd meet in real life. February, out of the blue and with a total coincidence I have sat beside this one girl in a lecture, and I (M 21) ended up asking for her (F20) contacts. The very next day, she was already asking me out on a date which I accepted, spent a good time, and took it from there.
We had spent the following month and a half dating, we would see each other quite often because we have the same lectures, but we also gone on dates. I also took her out on valentine's and did something a bit special for her, and she mentioned that and I quote "no one has ever done this to me, and I don't even know how I deserve you". The relationship was going great because it was moving forward at a good pace, and I restrained from any physical contact to reassure her that I am not after her body. After 6/7 dates we finally got to have sex, and for my birthday after going out I slept over at hers and it was a great night!
A bit of context;;; she has a best friend that she knew since she started uni who is like a soulmate to her, more like a lowkey girlfriend (she is straight). She was way too attached to her and it even worked out more for them because they'd go to lectures together and they lived in the same house. Also, she is a bit traumatized as she has been sexually assaulted as a kid, something that still have implications on her till now. She has only had one relationship before me, and that lasted only 2-3 months and didn't work at all.
Due to the above, when I were dating, it was quite hard understanding when she would not show the same amount of care I would to her. I felt that she's guarding herself with long walls that she wouldn't let anyone break or go through. This is all understandable obviously due to her trauma, and I do not mind or bothered at all by this. We have talked about her caring more about me several times, and every time she says that she will try harder, and I do believe that she is. It didn't work well for me either that her friend is there because she might not feel the need of having me in her life as much as she would have, had she not had her friend.
Anyway, long story short, throughout these weeks I was still in the process of understanding all that myself, and I managed to convince myself that she needs more time and I have to be very patient to gain her trust and show her that I won't hurt her. All was going good until the bloody pandemic, she went home to her family – which is 3 hours away from me and nearly impossible to go by transport. I stayed in my current accommodation because I'm an international student, and I don't want to go to my family in my country.
Throughout quarantine, we have been talking every single day, and facetiming 1-3 times a week for a few hours each. It has been going okay, not great, but I can see that she is already starting to break the barriers for me. The fact that she is not in constant touch with her girl friend is helping me out massively, because she is sort of starting to replace me with her. Even though we had had sex many times, she hasn't even tried to flirt with me sexually in any way, and when I pop up the topic laughingly she might just pretend that she didn't hear me or change the topic. Quite unusual, but it's okay if she's shy or whatever.
It is also important to note that for her, this relationship is dead serious; all her friends and family knows about me and I even speak to her sister sometimes and they are rooting for this relationship. Her sister has also, out of the blue, asked me a week ago when am I gonna make her my girlfriend – which means that she (my girl) is waiting for me to do it.
Now here is my main concern, as the lockdown has started we were not allowed travel and were quite restricted. When I asked her to come over, she said she cannot because of the restrictions and bla bla. However, at the time when I thought of it, I couldn't help but think of it as what I would have done if I was in her shoes. Had I had a car and was able to visit the person I am seeing who has NO ONE there for her and has been on her own for more than 70 days, would I not just drive to her? I absolutely would!!! But anyway, she said she couldn't and also the fact that her father works for the government makes it a bit harder to take such a risk.
Up until yesterday, where in the UK the restrictions were eased and travelling was not mentioned to be banned or restricted. After seeing the prime minister address, she asked me how I feel about it and I said that it's very good, and she said she agrees and it is not too eased either so that's okay. And she mentioned ABSOLUTELY NOTHING regarding coming to see me! Throughout this whole lockdown, she has made me feel like she is 100% not keen on seeing me as much as I am, not in a million years! She hasn't even mentioned one single time something along the lines of "I wish I was able to come to you but I cannot because …… but I'll do it once ….". Nothing of that type of reassuring kind of talks.
Now I just don't freaking understand, how come she cares about me so so much and would actually be worried if I didn't text her all day because I was sleeping or whatever, yet she doesn't even want to see me! And assuming that she wants to see me, why the heck is she not working on it. And assuming that she just is unable to, why the hell is she not talking to me about it? Why does it have to be me who pops it up in the conversation and asks her, because now it makes me feel like I'm the needy one in this relationship whilst all I'm actually trying to do is see the only person I care about right now. What do you think the next step should be? Do I need to say anything? Do I just rip my heart into pieces and forget about her and whenever she "feels" like visiting and mentions it, then I'll see then? For now, it is just quite frustrating hearing from her that she "misses" me all the time, almost every day, but she wouldn't act on it! It sounds like hypocrisy to me and an absolute joke, especially that I always have to reply "I miss you more" which is the truth, but have stopped actually challenging her about "missing me" because again, popping up this conversation makes me perceive myself as needy and as if I am trying to push her to come to visit me. This is the last thing I want to do, in fact, if she doesn't want to see me equal to or even more than I do, then I probably don't want to see her. I hope this was clear, but let me know if anything wasn't and I do apologise for being so long. Thanks for reading everyone!
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