the amount of ghosting posts has been pretty overwhelming lately. in all the time I have dated (34F) I have always been up front and nicely honest with people when I didn’t feel a connection with. the amount of time I have been harassed or had the person try to convince me to like them has been crazy.
just recently I downloaded tinder after not using it in years and matched with a guy maybe a month ago. we shared a few messages for maybe two weeks back and forth very casually, me replying with fairly lengthy responses and him often sending one word responses. the last exchange was roughly 10 days ago and with work becoming a bit overwhelmingly busy now and a very sick dog at the end of his life sadly, I didn’t log onto the app for a good week.
when I finally did I got a nasty message from him: “well that was a great waste of time, thanks for ghosting me. you need to be more respectful and learn that what you are doing is NOT ok, it is disgusting”…
there was more but don’t quite remember the full extent of it, but it wasn’t nice. no opportunity for me to explain anything as he unmatched me.
first of all – when has ghosting become something after sharing maybe 20 very basic messages with someone?
second – people do have lives. we are going through a very trying time all over the world. how did this man know I didn’t get sick, have a loved one die etc among many other things that would allow someone to be a bit busy.
just had to vent as I believe some people just need to stop and think for a minute about what the person they think they are being ‘ghosted’ from may be dealing with. the amount of posts discussing this have been so excessive lately and I totally get that it can be frustrating and upsetting to deal with it, but this is not ghosting and the term is becoming so overused.
instead of accusing people, have a different approach. if this guy just sent a simple message saying something like “hey I’ve enjoyed talking to and wanted to see where this would go but haven’t heard from you in awhile, is everything ok?” I would have explained and happily given him my # so we could text instead of use the app. Obviously knowing what I know now I am very glad I didn’t, but come on people please call think these things through a bit. quarantine has made some people absolutely crazy, not saying not rightfully so, but relax, take a breath and move on. or maybe a dating break if needed if you are so fragile.
yes nobody can deny, true ghosting sucks. in my opinion however, that is after going on dates with someone/being in a relationship or at least consistently talking to them deeply for a decent amount of time.
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