The Worst Date of my Life

I need advice from random, unbiased Internet strangers. TL;DR at the bottom.

I went on a first date with "Matt" (36, M) and I am a 40 year old female. We had phone & text chatted for weeks beforehand, & he came across as charming & pleasant, looking for a serious relationship. He was ex-military, shared many of the same ideas as me, was religious but claimed to not care that I'm agnostic, etc. He was black & I am white. (This comes into play later.)

So we meet, go in my car to take a ride, get ice cream, & walk a trail in a park. First thing he does is say I laugh too much and no man will ever take me seriously so long as I do. (I've never been told this by anyone in my whole life.) Second thing he does is criticize my driving like crazy — too close to the outside edge of the road, brake too hard, says I speed when I went 5 mph over the limit accidentally. As we talk, he starts ticking off a laundry list of things about me I'll have to change and that he will make sure I change in order for us to be together. I start to feel uncomfortable & stifled.

He tries to convince me to get a hotel room & sleep with him & gets offended when I refuse, citing we are still veritable strangers & I don't do that. I'm no prude but holy hell. Then he starts telling me to go here & there, gets out & goes into these random houses, & later I find he's been trying to score weed. He starts to become angry that he's unable to find any. I just stay quiet & think several times I should just drive away when he's gone doing God knows what at one of these houses.

He goes on to criticize & nit-pick everything I mention, from my parenting to how I need to learn everything about his likes & dislikes so I can be the best partner possible to him. He does 95% of the talking & is uninterested in anything I try to spark up conversationally.

So I am taking him back to his car downtown as the date is over, & he asks what I think of him & if I want a relationship. I say these exact words: "Well, I have concerns because you have so much about me you want me to change, & I want to be loved for who I am. It makes me worry that you might be controlling down the line about other things. So, I'm feeling like we could be friends but aren't compatible in a love relationship."

And he lost it. Yelled at me the 20-minutes it took to get him back to his car. Told me I was racist because I "stereotyped" him. Tells me I'm "ignorant, selfish, & stupid." He won't allow me to speak, as I try to explain that I didn't say he WAS a controlling man, just that he made me fear that MAY be the case because he already wanted to change so much about me. I've never had anyone behave like that, ever, let alone upon just meeting. I almost pulled over & made him walk. I should have. He was demeaning & I burst into tears after 10 minutes straight of this. He told me I needed a passive, weak white man & no black man would ever put up with me. He says I'm throwing away a man who would have loved me because I'm too weak to work on things & change. Said I would die alone someday. The one time I got to reply without his interruptions I said, "That's fine by me. At least I'll die peacefully."

I came home & blocked him everywhere & deleted the dating app. I am left just feeling so shocked. And he was not the first black man I have dated, just the first to act like that.

Am I in the wrong for seeing all these red flags & ending it before it began?

TL;DR — Had a date where I was told I had to change so much of who I am in order to be with him, expressed my concerns about this, & was screamed at & demeaned as I took him home.