There’s no good way to start a conversation when I worry he’ll run, or worse lie, when I tell him.

I (20f) have a weird job/side hustle/hobby (AMA, I’m super open, but I don’t give details to people unless asked). It’s the kind of thing I see memes about all the time and give vague answers to anyone I’ve known from childhood and family. I almost always skip small talk because I figure if you can’t handle my weird side, you definitely can’t handle the other things. Yet, once I inevitability tell a guy what I do, he goes quiet, then says he has zero problem with it, but obviously hasn’t had any time to even think it over.

I’ve met 3 people through what I do, the only serious relationships I’ve had, and all three ended in various degrees of disaster (serial cheater figuring out his sexuality, abuser that blackmailed me into some horrible shit, and what I thought was my future spouse). I have way much more in common with people I’ve met that way, but the relationships I have with them is different. It’s more of a fan/celebrity-ish relationship rather than a friendship or something romantic.

More recently, I’ve been doing more to get into the dating scene (I actually made a dating profile) but have also gotten deeper into what I do. The stress of balancing secrets, relationships, and the rest of my life is driving me mad.

I’m not sure if this is more of a rant or asking for advice, but if you’ve got any I’d love to hear it cuz I’m completely lost.