So basically I have a big thing for this girl in my group of friends. To try cut this short, we’ve always got along really well, I always had a mild crush on her I suppose but it was never that big. A couple of months back it grew massively when we started getting a bit closer and she came out with our friends more. In the past month or so we’ve been messaging a lot; the past couple of weeks it’s been particularly intense; staying up until 5am chatting shit, flirting really heavily at times, etc. At this point her and all my friends are aware I like her; they comment a lot about how we act like a couple and flirt all the time and stuff. Her and I have joked quite a bit about how there’s something between us, have talked about how in sync we are, etc. I thought things were going really well and I kind of got my hopes up.
Last night our friends done our weekly drunken zoom call, and she started talking in depth about how she’d arranged a post-lockdown date with someone who she’d been messaging for like a week, but that she didn’t want to hurt their feelings cause she was also talking to a bunch of other people and she didn’t want to tell them that, but that she told them she’d go on the date and that she’d told them she found them attractive.
I obviously have no right to get upset or whatever; she’s single, she’s completely allowed to see other people, and I’m not some psycho who wants to control her romantic life. But fuck, that shit stung. I’m also kinda pissed that she so casually dropped all that info in a call with all our friends, where everyone knows I have a thing for her and that I’m probably gonna be a little down about it. Like she was so concerned about protecting this other person she’s never even met’s feelings that she didn’t tell them this, but she didn’t care enough to try soften the blow for someone she’s been friends with for quite a while and instead hit me with that in front of everyone? Like she owes me nothing relationship wise, I can handle her not liking me back if that’s how things are, but I feel like she could have went about that a whole lot better. Either she just didn’t care how I’d feel, which is bad enough, or she dumped the info to see what my reaction would be, which is probably even worse.
I didn’t react at all and just acted like it didn’t bother me cause I’m not crazy, but a little bit later she was doing her usual joking around, saying stuff like ‘you know I always see us two getting married one day’, and I just didn’t have the heart to joke back really. I felt really shitty and didn’t really wanna talk to her lmfao. Today she’s messaged me like things are normal but I just kinda want to distance myself in all honesty; I thought we were getting really close and things were going well, hell one time I was teasing her and she was like ‘if you want a date after this you better cut it out’. Things like that really got my hopes up, but it turns out I was just one of like 10 different people (according to her) she’s been speaking to, and it all just feels like it wasn’t what I thought at all.
Today I honestly feel a little pissed she didn’t think about how I’d feel at all and just blurted it out like that. If she’d told me gently I’d be fine, it would have stung a little of course but I’d have got over it. I still will of course, but she essentially told me in an indirect way that nothing’s gonna happen between us in front of all our friends and because I have no real right to be upset I kind of just had to sit there and put on a brave face, when it hurt quite a bit, and I then had to deal with her continuing to flirt with me like she hadn’t just crushed any hope I had with her.
I dunno, maybe I’m overreacting and being stupid, but I still feel pretty shitty about it all. I’m not gonna treat her any differently cause at the end of the day she’s not done anything wrong at all by dating other people, but finding out in that way so publicly definitely hurt and it’s making me want to put some distance between us for sure. At the same time, I suppose she doesn’t really owe me an explanation, but it still hurts; It really wasn’t a gentle way to let me down. Am I right to think that way, or am I being dumb? Should I continue to pursue this, or is it time to give up? I really, really like her, but I don’t think I have much of a chance anymore.
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