Wanting them to want you

Something I’ve come to realize lately is how much of the pain of heartbreak is caused by not feeling good enough. That is not to say that you didn’t truly care for said person, but them choosing to pass up on you made you question your value. The feeling of someone getting to know every part of you and still deciding to keep their options open stings a lot. It can be so hard to not wonder what’s out there that you don’t have: if you were more attractive, smart, funny, interesting, would they want you?

Them deciding not to commit makes you feel like they must be better than you and can easily slip into unhealthy territory of putting them on a pedestal. You find yourself doing things you wouldn’t normally do: begging, crying, and making yourself desperate; all in attempts to gain their approval. If you could just get them to see how awesome you are, then maybe you could believe it yourself. However, their acceptance isn’t what would make those things true. You not loving yourself enough is what’s making you hungry for someone who will do it for you.

Someone may reject a person for an endless list of reasons. They may not be emotionally available, they may not be mature enough, or they are incapable of caring about more than themselves. Perhaps they see that you two are not compatible and you don’t because you’re too hung up on wanting them to want you. At the end of the day their reasoning doesn’t matter if you have the knowledge that one person’s opinion doesn’t define you. Stop trying to convince others that you are worth it and start convincing yourself. Getting to a place where you can realize that you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but that’s actually what makes you special, will make it all the more satisfying when you find the person who is looking for someone specifically like you. If you love you, you won’t view rejection as a personal reflection and that will ease a lot of your hurting.

I finally got to a place where I am happy on my own. I found things I was passionate about and started investing in myself. I don’t feel that need to get validation from a guy anymore, I know who I am and that I will be perfectly fine with or without them. It’s not easy and it takes time, but remembering that no one is above you or able to decide your value helps a lot.