We met in high school when she was (17F) and I was (16M). She was dating a really athletic and good looking guy when we first met. The day I met this girl we had an instant connection and immediately became very close friends. We became so close she was coming over to my house everyday to hang out and play video games with me.
Her boyfriend didn’t like that she was hanging out with the opposite gender and kept yelling at her accusing her of cheating on him with me. Which never happened. I’m a very dorky and I guess “nice guy” kind of guy. I’m not a very athletic and good looking kind of guy like the typical guys she goes for. Senior year of high school she finally ended a year and a half long relationship with this guy. She was devastated and after the break up developed a ton of insecurities and would get scared if you came up behind her and hugged or touched her surprisingly. Eventually she would ask me for advice on how to get over him and then do the exact opposite of what I said to do. Which kind of annoyed me. She was not mentally doing well and fell into a depression.
Here is some more information about her. She was like no other girl I had ever met. She was so confident in herself when we first met, very funny, and selfless. We were so similar, it’s not even funny. We shared the same hobbies, humor, and life goals. We shared the same friend group and when I introduced her to my parents they immediately fell in love with her. When I was sad and Facetiming her she would hang up on me and be at my door within minutes to be there for me and comfort me. My older siblings loved her as well. She wasn’t afraid to be herself and I loved that about her.
During senior year when she broke up with her ex of a year and a half we got closer. We would send silly memes to each other everyday. Meet up for breakfast every morning. We spent so much time with each-other. Then one day she came over and she confessed she had feelings for me. I was shocked. I wanted to say I felt the same way but all I could say was “I’m not like the handsome athletic guys you go for” she looked at me and said “ I sure hope you’re not” but before she could say anything else I just told her that since she just got out of a relationship she should focus on herself. I didn’t say no I just said it wasn’t a now kind of thing. She understood and we remained close friends.
Eventually things took a turn her mental state got even worse to the point to where she was thinking suicidal thoughts. Her insecurities got worse and she became super self destructive towards herself. Saying things like “I don’t deserve friends. I’m not a good person” or just asking me if she was annoying me every day. It got bad. After we graduated high school she initiated the end of our friendship. She said “I don’t think this friendship is going to work I’m just insecure… you’re moving out of state for university and I’m staying here. Not even an hour later she apologized for what she said and said she didn’t mean it but at that point I felt like she didn’t care about me because she was giving up on the friendship so easily. I ultimately saw how bad she was doing mentally and I just couldn’t handle it then so I called her that night and ended things she cried and I told her this was going to be the last phone call. It’s been a few years since this has happened. She has tried apologizing and reaching out for the past two years I’ll read all of her heartfelt apologies but I have never responded because I’m scared history will repeat if I let her in again. She apologized to my family for how she treated me which I found kinda strange. She told our friend group that she has a lot of regret with how things happened. She even showed up to me house winter break during our breaks from university to try to talk to me. She became obsessive over the situation. Eventually she stopped with the text messages moved away, wasn’t heard of again, and moved on with her life and I moved on with my life as well… until recently.
It’s been a few years since high school graduation she is now (23F) and I am now (22M).
Recently, all university/college students have had to move out of college due to the pandemic going on. We are both in town due to the situation. My parents ran into her the other day and they hardly recognized her. (They still adore her btw). According to them they talked to her for a while. They told me that she had lost a ton of weight, is about to graduate with her nursing degree, is working towards her doctorate degree, and looks happy and absolutely stunning. Even our friend group from hs has made plans with her and says she did a 180 from where she was in high school. When I moved out of state I never dated anyone. I’ve made a ton of girl- friends but none of them are like her. She recently texted me a week ago Saying things along the line of “I hope you’re doing well. As much as I want to rekindle our friendship if you’re not ready to do that I’ll respect that and if you’re never ready to rekindle our friendship I’ll respect that too. I am so proud of you though and I’m still cheering you on.” I never responded cause I’m still scared but i want to reach out I just don’t know how
So, the question is did I make a mistake by leaving her and ignoring her messages for all these years? I was super hurt by her but I feel like maybe I overreacted. Should I reach out to her again? Any advice helps and I apologize for this being so long.
submitted by /u/imnottoosurereally
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