Why is thiso hard for me I do not know if I can take it anymore?

I have suffered for 22 years without a single sniff of a relationship. Not a single girl I have ever been remotely interested in has ever liked me back. Or at least not enough to fall on the floor in agony wishing they would be with me at least.

I work in a shop where I’m from and everyday I see couples left right and centre blossoming. Even my mother who feels very lonely and unlucky at times gets more opportunity than me.

I feel so much pressure from my family and feel judged constantly of the reason behind me not being in a relationship. Everyday that it becomes unsuccessful the more unlikely it feels like it’s becoming.

I was relentlessly bullied in school sometimes by my own actions most of the time obviously not. I used to have glasses, acne and buck tooth.

I feel like I get told to stop victimising and self wallowing over a situation that is easily changeable or how I respond and react to situations. But the truth is; I can prove on countless occasions how false this statement is. One recent occasion being a girl I see myself with completely, mid conversation where I slipped in how most guys will leave. Hinting I wouldn’t. Then of course, she chooses me right? Nope. She goes for the two good looking guys; who in turn cheat on her. Even when the answer is staring at you in the face. I’m just invisible. No chance of an option.

I’ve been called a few things regularly; boring, ugly, uninteresting. Even though I put in as much effort in my skills and my life as any one else. But because I’m not good looking the qualities I possess become unnoticed or disregarded without a second thought or appreciation of who I am as a person but on what I look like.

It is one of the only subjects in my life where I have felt suicidal since I was around sixteen. The pressure was mounting. I’ve only ever wanted to kill my self at that age because every comer of my life was taking a dark turn. But never again since I’ve felt that way thankfully. But the hopelessness is beginning to become unbearable as I am mainly frightened of how I am going to deal with it in the future as I do not always trust myself to do the right thing or take the right logical action.