My (21F) ex (27m) and I broke up a little over 3 months ago due to him getting a job overseas and not wanting to do long distance. We were dating for 8 months, so still early, but I cared a lot for him and so, he says, did he for me. When he dumped me he gave a very long talk about why he doesn’t feel we should do a long distance relationship and although it of course hurt me and I would have been willing to try, I can see that it was better this way. Reasons he stated were;
- he’s done it once before and seriously regrets it
- long distance but especially transatlantic relationships don’t work
- he knows that he’ll get jealous and insecure
- there is no end date in sight to close the distance
- he will be working crazy hours (finance) and the little time he will have left he needs for himself
- he’s not ready for a big commitment like that and knows he would end up hurting me
- we’d barely see each other and that’s not a way to be happy
- waiting to break up when he leaves (end of year) will just hurt even more as we’ll be super attached Etcetera, etcetera
Now as he told me this he was visibly upset and I was sobbing. He often emphasized how much he cares about me and that quote “it matter to me that you understand why I’m doing this, I’m not doing this because I don’t care. I just think it’s the best for both of us long term and it’s better to stop seeing each other now and remember the good things than to eventually start hating each other for it.” All in all it was sad but amicable. After the break up I messaged him once, a few days later, asking if I could ask him something to which he didn’t reply.
I went back to my home country to be with family and due to corona. Now I just returned to where we both live and we hadn’t spoken ever since/been in NC for 3 months. I still have some of my stuff at his place – few clothes, cosmetics, and hair bands (that I don’t care all that much about) but I also left 7 of my rings that are of sentimental value to me and that I used to wear all the time. I messaged him last night simply saying “Hey, could you mail me my things? Mainly my rings” to which he didn’t reply. I get the message that he seems to not want anything to do with me but I’m not wanting to talk to him, I just want my things. I don’t know if he sees this as an attempt of me to get in contact? But then again, it’s my stuff. I just find it childish and disappointing that after having a great relationship and an amicable break up he just completely cuts me off and refuses to speak to me in even civil matters. I arranged for a courier to pick the things up at his place tomorrow and sent him a screenshot saying “they’ll pick it up tomorrow, thanks” to which he also doesn’t reply. I just don’t understand what he’s trying to accomplish here? Why do you think is he being like this? What should I do? I highly doubt tomorrow will work out by his actions.
But even despite my things, I don’t understand why people would completely cut off/ignore their ex when nothing bad happened? Can you share your thought process if that has been you before?
Tl;dr – ex so and I had an amicable break up due to him moving away. Haven’t spoken in 3 months since break up. I now want my stuff I left at his returned to me by mail but he is ignoring me.
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