I (29F) met this guy (40M – divorced with 2 kids) a few months ago and we dated for 5 weeks. We met on a dating app. We are both very attractive, well educated and successful. We hit it off and went out all the time on nice dates. In the beginning, he love bombed me. He texted me all day, every day. He told me he felt like there was something different about us, he felt like he knew me in a past life, wanted to meet my family, told me he loved me on the third date, that I checked every box for him, etc, etc. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I was happy and said yes. I fell for it all. I didn’t sleep with him until the 9th date until we were in a relationship, either.
He had been traveling a lot for work and then one day he kind of started to fade a little bit. I could sense something different. Instead of asking me out a couple days in advance, it would be the night of that he would ask. He was texting less, too. So ultimately I texted him to say that I felt like he was over it and thank you for everything but if he wanted an easy out I was giving him one. He said no, that wasn’t the case, he wasn’t over it, but that he was overwhelmed by so many things going on in his life and he was quieting down as a defense mechanism and that “he doesn’t know where we should go from here…” I tried calling him and he turned off his phone which I thought was a huge red flag (It was Saturday night). He also mentioned he had a past that he was afraid if he told me about it would “scare me away” but that he “wasn’t broken.” He was very dramatic. He continued to fade but text me things like “I miss texting you all day with updates about my day” which I didn’t quite understand. I sensed he was playing games, so I decided to just let it burn. I quit initiating texts and engaging much when he would reach out. About a week later, we never spoke again. It was right before Christmas. I never tried to reach out to him again, either. It was just a mutual ghosting thing I guess.
What I believe is that he was over it, but was too much of a coward to actually admit he was over it and break up with me. Why else would he change his behavior so much unless he was over it?
I’ve replayed it all so many times in my head and I can’t quite figure it out. Is it possible to really like someone but totally throw in the towel because of drama in your life? I feel like it’s a cop out and that he probably went back to his ex girlfriend of a long time that he had mentioned (but said he was never really into her). Did he want me to chase him, hence the games he was playing, and when I wouldn’t oblige he ghosted? He once bragged about always “making girls crazy” and even one girl (a co-worker who he cheated on his wife with) tried to commit suicide. I’m assuming it was a bruise to his ego that I never attempted to reach out again, either. He didn’t succeed in making me crazy.
I think he’s a narcissistic sociopath…and I passed his car at CVS this morning and wanted to vomit and burn some sage.
I’m also inclined to believe that once I slept with him, he had one foot out the door…
Does anyone have any food for thought? I know this guys a douche, but I hate that I got played…
I think also he was possibly mentally ill, too. When we would go out to restaurants, he would always mention that he believed over people in the restaurant were talking about us – how cute we were together. He did this on several dates and I always thought it was odd.
Thoughts?
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