/u/AgeOfTranshumanism | Author

I’ve been thinking tonight about this after reading through numerous threads about dating, relationships and romance in general. It seems to me that being in a relationship robs you of a lot of your freedom in life. You have to consider your partner in everything you do. You have to do things for her. Everything.

While the physical and emotional intimacy sounds great — I don’t think I actually need it. It’s not like how I need food, water and oxygen to survive. It’d be nice to have it but I’ll survive without it. I become attracted to the idea of being a bachelor every passing day. Just being single, pursuing my hobbies, interests and hanging out with friends. I know my worth, though. I know that I’m a catch.

I’ve had lots of fantasies in my head about what it’d be like to be in a relationship. But that’s all they are — fantasies. The reality is disappointing, isn’t it? I’ve never had a relationship before, though.

I picture myself talking back and forth with a girl who has the same passions as me about those passions. We’re happy, we’re alive and we’re doing things. Hand-holding, hugging and possibly some kissing on the side. Just innocent physical and emotional intimacy. Going on walks at dusk, when the setting sun makes the sky beautiful and peaceful to look at.

Just honestly having an innocent and deep bond with a girl that is on the same wavelength as me sounds amazing to me.

Maybe I’ve just read and watched so much romance that I’m pining for a fantasy version of it? I know how real relationships look and they’re quite different. Especially when I think about the girl moving into my apartment. I won’t be in control of my life anymore. I have to change things in my life. She may not like my hobbies. She may complain about things that I do.

Maybe I’ve just never fallen in love before? Perhaps that’s why I have second thoughts about making that dating profile and going for it. I just don’t want to throw away my freedom, happiness and way of life if that’s what it means.

I truthfully have no idea anymore. Do I actually want a real relationship or am I just attracted to the idea of my perfect, ideal relationship — which may not happen the way I want it to?

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So, this has been a problem ever since I was a kid and it’s the biggest reason why I have a fear of social interaction along with a general anxiety in social situations. Ever wondered how awkward it is to ask someone to repeat what they’ve said three times and still not understand what they’re saying?

Yeah, that’s one of my biggest fears. Not just that but the humiliation it comes with the person just saying, “nevermind”, and walking away from me.

I’m deaf but when I wear a hearing aid, I’m able to hear very well and can just barely get by with people if I’m able to understand their speech patterns. People I’m close with, I have little to no issue in understanding because I’m used to their speech pattern and the sounds they make. For some people, I really just can’t make out the words they say at all, it’s just pure gibberish and I wish I had subtitles pop up in front of them so I could understand.

I’m extremely proficient in my speech and I have an excellent understanding of the English language. No weird quirks. Loud and clear speech. So, there’s honestly no issue on the other end when it comes to understanding what I’m saying.

I’m more interested in dating hearing people and not deaf people. While I’m proficient in sign language — deaf people are just too different from what I seek in a partner. They think differently, are pretty rare to find and they’re unlikely to be as well-educated or knowledgeable which makes it difficult to hold the sort of conversations I’d like to hold with them.

But on the other hand, it is really difficult for me to engage in social interaction. I know most people give up or freeze up when it comes to interacting with someone who might not understand what they’re saying. How would you deal with someone like me? Would you want to deal with someone like me?

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Author Archive: /u/AgeOfTranshumanism

How do I know if I want a real relationship or if I’m attracted to the idea of having one?

How would you approach and interact with a deaf guy in dating?

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